TG Editor

Not quite

2012-01-23T17:35:00.001-05:00

I just found this online:

Head coach Mike London and the Virginia football team picked up another commitment for the Class of 2012 Sunday, as running back Divante Walker has verbally committed to the Cavaliers.

The problem is that this isn't the Class of 2012. If they're lucky, they'll graduate from UVa in 2016 or 2017. It IS the high-school Class of 2012, however, but that's not what they're writing about.

When I'm editing...

2012-01-21T16:48:00.001-05:00

As an editor, I do the obvious, of course: I look for typos, misspellings and factual errors, but there's much, much more.

While editing and vetting a novel, I quickly realized that the writer had an Army general shooting snipers. It was her business, of course, but a general would never get in that situation. A colonel? Maybe, but not likely. A major? Possibly. The lower the rank, the more plausible this would be.

She laughed. She already knew that a general would never be caught with a rifle shooting snipers. She hoped that no one would catch it. If I caught it, she said, someone else would; so she turned the general into a major. The story immediately became more believable. Not a lot, but some. A gunny sergeant would make sense.

One of her characters was a double agent, and she'd use a real name part of the time and her code name at other times. I found it confusing, and I told her so. Hey, this wasn't James Bond one time and 007 another. This was Jade (or whatever) one time and Jasmine (or whatever) another.

I once was "Americanizing" British non-fiction books for sale in North America. I changed "favour" to "favor," "maximise" to "maximize," and "behaviour" to "behavior." "Loo" became "toilet"; "solicitor" turned into "lawyer", and "lift" became "elevator." With the help of Google, British slang was translated, and when I could, I changed soccer analogies to baseball, basketball or American football. It works better for U.S. readers.

I did more than that, of course, but you get a flavour, no, flavor of what I did in this case.

Iremind the writer to proofread and edit his/her work a few minutes and a few days later, time permitting. I tell writers to get a second or third pair of eyes on their work; don't trust Aunt Jane or Uncle Bernie. A professional editor can make your writing sparkle and make you look good.

It's all part of editing. Some writing is so muddled that I need a Rosetta stone. Other times, I don't have much to do. Whether I'm editing a book or working for a newspaper (I've worked at nine), my job is to help the writer and the reader. I work to make the writer's writing shine. My editing will help the reader assimilate the most information in the easiest manner.

I may cost a little more than some copy editors (and less than many others), but I'm worth it. And your writing's worth it, too.

Contact: I can be reached at tgilli@copydesk.org or tgilli52@gmail.com.

Attribution

2012-01-19T18:14:00.001-05:00

Last year, I was editing an aspiring novelist who was struggling with attribution. He'd write something like this:

She stated, "You are a real dummy. "
And I'd change it to:

"You are a real dummy," she said.
The word "stated" is stilted. In most cases, "said" works fine.

"I'm a good writer, but I can be better," he said. (This is the simplest form of attribution.)

"This year," he said, "has been tough for the Republican Party." (This breaks up the same-ole, same-ole.)

"Our team has improved the last five games," said Neidermeyer, the team's third-year coach. (This is a smooth way to do attribution.)

Don't worry; attribution is often a problem for even experienced writers and editors. Where do you put the "he said"?

I found this one day in a New York Times story: “My nose tells me he’s a dealmaker kind of guy as long as both sides are playing straight,” the New England Patriots’ owner, Robert K. Kraft, said. I would change the last part of the sentence to say: ," said Robert K. Kraft, owner of the New England Patriots.

In my last newspaper job, the reporters thought the editor preferred the mangled form, so they'd write, "We really like our jobs," Joe Schmoe, news director of the radio station, said Thursday. No, the editor actually preferred, "We really like our jobs," said Joe Schmoe, news director of the radio station.

It'd be nice to get Thursday in there, but it's implied that it would be a Thursday interview for a Friday newspaper.

Minor edits

2012-01-13T12:20:00.000-05:00

Found online: The Oakland Raiders have extending their list of potential head-coaching candidates to Green Bay Packers defensive coordinator Dom Capers, according to a league source.

I hope the writer meant extended rather than extending.

I also don't care for Green Bay Packers defensive coordinator Dom Capers. That's called a stacked modifier.

The Oakland Raiders have added Dom Capers, the Green Bay Packers' defensive coordinator, to their list of head-coaching candidates, according to a league source.

Be positive

2012-01-11T16:56:00.000-05:00

I realize it's personal preference, but this sentence bothers me.

Several reports, including Fox's spot-on Jay Glazer, said a Brady Quinn package was inserted by coach John Fox in case Tebow faltered.

I would change it this way:

Several reports, including Fox's spot-on Jay Glazer, said coach John Fox inserted a Brady Quinn package ~~was inserted by coach John Fox~~ in case Tebow faltered.

Editing required

2012-01-11T13:13:00.002-05:00

Found online: London is not opposed to using Watford again in 2012 in certain sets to utilize the athletic ability that the native of Hampton possesses.

London likely will play Watford again in 2012 in certain sets to take advantage of his athletic ability.

The original sentence is awkward, and I'm not sure you need to mention his hometown here.

You really DO need an editor

2012-01-10T22:46:00.002-05:00

Some people aren't sure they need an editor. One "professional" writer once told me that she didn't need an editor. She could spell and write, she said.

That's frightening to me; everyone -- everyone from Joe Schmoe to a great writer like William Faulkner and Ernest Hemingway -- needs an editor.

I doubt that this woman is a Schmoe, but she's probably not a Faulkner or Hemingway, either.

And people wonder if I'm the kind of editor they're seeking. You don't edit books about spirituality, do you? Well, yes. Fiction and non-fiction.

You don't edit books about cosmetics and nail / toenail care, do you? I edited an ebook about nail / toenail care, and she seemed very happy.

Do you edit for businessmen? Yes, I've done editing for a North Carolina restaurateur and a Virginia lawyer, plus a businessman in Australia who is looking to change the world.

I edited a doctoral dissertation last year, and I've even edited individual articles before they were sent to online magazines.

I've also done other editing and proofreading, including novels, non-fiction books and one ebook. I edited more than two dozen non-fiction books that were written for a British audience but are being re-targeted for Americans.

If you're not sure, just ask. One novelist wasn't sure -- people said she wrote like Faulkner -- so I suggested that she pay for one chapter. If she liked my work, we'd continue. I've edited most of two of her novels, and I was pleased to learn that my editing skills work well with fiction. She's becoming a better writer, and she wants me to edit a third novel. We regularly converse on Facebook.

Another writer wasn't sure, so she asked for references. I gave two names and email addresses (including the William Faulkner clone), and she came back the next day; she wanted me to edit her non-fiction book on spirituality. I think it went well.

In late 2010, a would-be novelist found me, and we're both glad he did. He's improved by leaps and bounds, and he's looking for an agent or publisher.

When writers tell me they don't need me, I don't back down. They need me; they just don't know it yet.

Contacts: tgilli@copydesk.org and tgilli52@gmail.com

Newspaper style

2012-01-07T23:13:00.000-05:00

Every newspaper has its quirks. My most recent newspaper calls the Camping World Truck Series by the shortened name of Trucks Series. Not Truck Series. They've changed the name, but no one has complained.

You can't say Olympic champion there; it's Olympics champion (and maybe Olympics-sized swimming pool). There are no athletic directors, only athletics directors. And Cam Newton was not an All-American; he was an All-America (I'd change it to All-America quarterback to make it sound right to my ear).

I worked at a newspaper that wouldn't call the local hospital by its real name (Wake Forest University Baptist Medical Center), and it wouldn't call it by what locals call it (Baptist Hospital). I think they called it Baptist Medical Center; it was editor preference, something you see a lot of in the newspaper business.

At another paper, we could jump only one story off the front, so we'd have to decide which story we want to jump. At other places, you can jump every story.

I once worked for a man who wanted 25 headlines on the sports front; that may not seem like a lot to you, but six headlines on a page is a lot. I once did 17, and that made him feel better, but I had to do a briefs package to do it.

This same boss didn't like white space on a page. I couldn't put a cutline (caption) to one side of the picture without filling in the white space above it. That made me get creative, and I started putting an information box beside photos. I'd put the cutline above or below the info box, and my boss was happy with the intense use of space. He liked stories crammed in there, and I had to battle to let them breathe.

One newspaper won't allow Tiger in a headline, but nothing is said about Serena and Venus. Another newspaper had us use Kyle and Richard in headlines to differentiate between Kyle Petty and Richard Petty. And another paper wouldn't let us use Earnhardt Jr. in a headline, just Earnhardt.

And if you mention someone in a news story for that paper but don't quote him, they'll cut him out of the story. It's one of their ways to keep stories short.

One boss didn't like names in headlines or the start of a story. I guess he thought that Simpson might be confusing (Jessica or O.J.?). Besides, Smith or Jones in a headline could be anyone. That same editor didn't like us starting a story with a person's name. He had his reasons.

I've worked for bosses who didn't have rules until you did something they didn't like.

And I've worked at newspapers that had rules for anything and everything. Years ago, we were putting out the sports section, and our top story was about a college coach, the school's offensive coordinator, being fired. Naturally, the headline was something like "???? University fires offensive coordinator." Fine.

Minutes later, someone from news side came charging over and told us we couldn't use the word offensive in a headline. It was a rule of the newspaper; no offensive headlines. I told her that the man was fired because his team wasn't offensive enough; that didn't go over well.

I assume we changed the headline to get the word offensive out of there. But we came away scratching our heads; we couldn't see anything offensive about the headline.

This is a mess

2012-01-03T09:39:00.000-05:00

Needs editing: The Tigers cut their deficit in half at 54-52 on a field goal by Justin Hamilton, who had a career-high 21 points, with 51 seconds remaining.

The problem is the clause with 21 points. Let's rearrange the sentence.

Justin Hamilton, who had a career-high 21 points, hit a field goal with 51 seconds left to cut the Tigers' deficit in half at 54-52.

They did it wrong again

2012-01-02T18:07:00.000-05:00

Needs editing: You see this sort of thing all the time.

If he is healthy, Irsay has promised to bring back Manning regardless of the$28 million bonus he is owed in March.

It doesn't matter whether Irsay is healthy. Let's change it this way:

If Manning is healthy, Irsay has promised to bring him back regardless of the$28 million bonus he is owed in March.

J-School advice: Go out and learn

2011-12-30T15:09:00.003-05:00

If you're a journalism student and you want to work at a newspaper, find a newspaper and become a clerk. You'll answer phones, particularly if you're working in sports, and you'll learn. Eventually, they'll send you out to cover a game or write a feature story.

If you're lucky, they'll put you on the copy desk. I know a woman who started out as sports clerk and became a sports copy editor. She's been doing it for 15 years or more.

You won't make a ton of money -- I think the local newspaper pays $8 an hour for a sports clerk -- but you'll learn.

Newspapers have cut back on freelancing, but ask the news editor (sometimes called the metro editor), the sports editor and the features editor if they could use freelance stories. They might suggest stories, or they might assign them. Or they might ask for suggestions. Again, you won't get paid much, but the experience is priceless, whether you're in college or still in high school.

Oh, did I mention that you'll learn? I learned a bit from going to J-school, but I learned a lot more from working at the college newspaper and working for the college information office. And I learned even more from my internship.

Then I got my first of nine jobs, and I learned some more.

Go out and learn.

Could be tighter...

2011-12-26T12:14:00.000-05:00

Found online: Rodgers threw a pair of touchdown passes to Jordy Nelson, another two toJames Jones, and found tight end Jermichael Finley for a score.

Let's tighten it up:

Rodgers threw two touchdown passes each to Jordy Nelson and James Jones, plus one to tight end Jermichael Finley.

Kicking off the NBA?

2011-12-25T22:30:00.001-05:00

Found online: The NBA is kicking off its second non-82-game regular season in the past 13 years on Christmas.

I don't think so. You don't kick off basketball; you tip off the season.

Grammar Guide

2011-12-19T16:15:00.000-05:00

New blog: If you're into grammar you might check out Pam Nelson's Grammar Guide on the American Copy Editors Society's web site. Yes, I am a member of ACES.

Is something missing?

2011-12-19T14:12:00.001-05:00

Is it singular or plural: Check this headline just found online...

Students use their brain to build a car

Since there's more than one student, shouldn't it be brains rather than brain?

From the same story: Wykoff remained tight-lipped about the car and would only reveal that its energy will derive from solar power.

That's nice, but why not just say "...it will run on solar power"?

More later.

A better way to say it...

2011-12-13T15:13:00.001-05:00

Needs editing: “I got in the game and I wanted to prove I belong here,” said the 6-foot-1, 213-pound Royster, who on Washington’s final drive received two carries and picked up 14 yards on the first and six yards on the second.

That dependent clause at the end could use help:

... Royster, who had two carries for 14 and six yards, respectively, on Washington’s final drive.

Another CSI: The Crime Scene Investigation (CSI) TV shows are popular (I like them, too). I just found another CSI ... the College of Southern Idaho. CSI sounded familiar for some reason.

More later.

Dirty advertising?

2011-12-11T15:09:00.001-05:00

Years ago, I was working for a newspaper, and someone brought in what we called the pre-prints (which were printed earlier in the week).

I opened an inside page, and an advertisement in giant type jumped out at me. There were six words in the ad, three on each page. You'd read from left to right, so you were switching back and forth from page to page.

If you read the whole ad, it was pretty innocuous. If you read just the left page from top to bottom, it looked like a sexual comment or suggestion.

I told someone on news side, and they called the ad director at home. He laughed -- he saw some humor in it -- and said that there was nothing he could do. He later showed the advertiser, who turned red, I heard.

They changed the ad before they ran it again. Several people wanted to cut out that left-hand page and put it on the wall of their cubicles, but I understand that was quickly quashed.

The moral? Yes, they could have used an editor.

J-SCHOOL: Speak up now; it'll help later

2011-12-09T14:01:00.001-05:00

I wasn't a natural talker when I was in college in the 1970s. I'm still pretty quiet, but I learned to talk when I need to.

Going to Radford College (now university), I took journalism under Charles Millsaps (I'm fairly sure of the spelling), and Charles (yes, I called him Charles, but not in class; his call) required J-school students to talk.

Every time he made a statement, I rebutted it. If he asked a question, I tried to answer it. It got to the point where Charles would say something, then smile slightly and lean his head my way, assuming I was going to speak up. And I usually did, if I could think of anything to say.

It surprised me, but I actually learned a lot from having to talk. It forced me to think, something necessary for journalists. I learned to do the same in other classes, and it helped there, too.

I watched a lot of my friends and classmates go to class after class and never speak up. They were probably making B's and were happy with them. I'd take a B if I had to, but I was always shooting for an A.

I remember one special A. The class was Journalism Law, and my average was hovering around 93.5 (you needed a 94 for an A in that class). I was taking 17 hours that quarter, and J-Law would decide whether I'd make the dean's list.

I needed an A on my final test to ace the class. When I got the test back, I noticed that Charles had given me one point and added a note that said that he gave me the point for speaking up in class. It turns out the point gave me an A on the test, and that gave me an A for the class.

And that helped give me an A for the quarter, plus my only visit to the dean's list (I was more interested in working for the college newspaper and the college information office; that's where you learn).

The moral? Talking at the right time made a difference in college, and it's helped me through a long (and sometimes distinguished) journalism career.

Time to be quiet again.

About typos

2011-12-07T14:02:00.001-05:00

Blog about typos: You might check out the N.Y. Times blog The Price of Typos.

Editorial groups: If you're a writer, editor or general freelancer, you might check out my Freelance Writers and Editors group on Yahoo.

Columns for novelists: If you're a novelist, you might check out my columns for Savvy Authors. The links are on my web site.

Links: On my web site, I have links to some of my stories online.

Top posts: This page features links to some of my top posts on this blog.

Blogs: If you have an editing or writing blog (or if you have a particular entry you're proud of), let me hear about it. It doesn't even have to be a writing or editing blog. I just like good writing. Thanks.

Followers: I'd like to thank my 57 followers. You're the best.

More later.

Rookie mistakes

2011-12-04T17:42:00.001-05:00

Magazine editing: I've done some editing for a magazine aimed at college students, and the collegiate writers often make the same mistakes. They don't put a comma before an end-quote in a direct quotation; they use acronyms without writing them out; they cite "experts" without saying who they are; they quote students but don't name their schools.

They constantly begin a quote this way: Joe Schmoe, owner of so-and-so restaurant, says, "Blah de blah de blah." I change that to this: "Blah de blah de blah," says Joe Schmoe, owner of so-and-so restaurant.

There are other mistakes, of course, but that's enough here.

They're all rookie mistakes, and I point them out. My goal is to educate them in the ways of professional publications. On the other hand, those writers do some things I like, and I need to mention that, too.

Editorial group: If you're a writer, editor or general freelancer, you might check out my Freelance Writers and Editors group on Yahoo.

Blogs: If you have an editing or writing blog (or if you have a particular entry you're proud of), let me hear about it. It doesn't even have to be a writing or editing blog. I just like good writing. Thanks.

More later.

The writer is trying to do too much with this sentence

2011-12-03T13:34:00.001-05:00

Needs editing: This writer is trying to do too much with one sentence.

"They can't threaten it," said Schnellenberger, 77, who coaches the final game of his long illustrious career Saturday for Florida Atlantic against Louisiana-Monroe and who is best known for leading the University of Miami to the 1983 national title.

That last part, starting with who is best known..., should go in another paragraph.

Attribution: He said, she said

2011-11-30T21:25:00.001-05:00

Attribution is one of the most fascinating aspects of journalism, as well as other forms of writing.

"I'm a good writer, but I can be better," he said. (This is the simplest form of attribution.)

"This year," he said, "has been tough for the Republican Party." (This breaks up the same-ole, same-ole.)

"My car was stolen last night, and I immediately filed a police report," Jones, the school's principal, said Tuesday morning. (Some papers like to get the day into the story, and this is a way to do it. Me? I don't like it.)

"Our team has improved the last five games," said Neidermeyer, the team's third-year coach. (This doesn't get the date in it, but it's a much smoother way to do attribution.)

Every newspaper has its own style for attribution. I like to state something in present tense, then do the attribution in past tense. For instance:

Schmaltz says that it's been a good year for white wines.

"We're happy with the volume and quality of wine we've produced this year," Schmaltz said. "Last year, we'd have been happy with half the wine we've produced this year."

I worked with a guy who hated my form of attribution. He wanted me to stay in past tense (or present tense) for the whole story. That's one of the reasons we parted ways after seven and a half months. A small reason. He was a hard guy to work for.

Some editors (and college professors) prefer us to use only "said." They don't want "recalled," "exclaimed," "offered" or anything else; just "said."

Me? I don't mind an occasional "recalled." (No "he ejaculated," please.) If most of the story is about the present, "said" is fine. But if the interviewee is remembering something from the past or using the past as an example, "recalled" is perfect.

I worked with one editor who wanted us to change attribution according to what the interviewee has said. I do that occasionally, but not often. For example:

"Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country," Smarttenhoff said.

"I enlisted in the Army as soon as Roosevelt declared war on Germany," said Smarttenhoff, who served for 20 years and received 14 medals.

"The best time of my life came during a weekend furlough in Japan," Smarttenhoff has often said.

Ask Smarttenhoff for his favorite marching songs, and he'll give a half-dozen examples, complete with percussion. "Music is my life," he said before breaking into "Le Marseillaise."

What a guy, that Smarttenhoff. I wonder if Maxwell Smart's name was shortened from Smarttenhoff.

The main point of contention, of course, is over "he said" vs. "he says."

"We're not singing well as a team," Lewis says.

"We haven't sung well together in months," Martin added.

Some writers don't mind mixing present and past in attribution, but I can't. I've used both forms, but I don't mix them.

It's personal preference, but I'm doing the writing.

He said.

Needs rewriting

2011-11-27T12:03:00.001-05:00

Found online: Virginia had only one run that gained more than five yardsSaturday, and it came on a reverse by true freshman wideout Darius Jennings, who picked up 12yards.

Let's trim this down to a tighter sentence:

Virginia had only one run that gained more than five yardsSaturday, a 12-yarder on a reverse by freshman wideout Darius Jennings.

I like it

2011-11-26T12:13:00.001-05:00

From a wire story: Then there's Tim Tebow, the person. Popular and polarizing, more like a politician than NFL player. Galvanizes backers and backbiters alike. People love him or loathe him.

The "love him or loathe him" line is old, but I like the "backers and backbiters alike" line.

Editorial groups and more

2011-11-25T12:56:00.001-05:00

Editorial groups: If you're a writer, editor or general freelancer, you might check out my Freelance Writers and Editors group on Yahoo.

Columns for novelists: If you're a novelist, you might check out my columns for Savvy Authors. The links are on my web site.

Links: On my web site, I have links to some of my stories online.

Top posts: Here's a page that features links to some of my top posts on this blog.

J-SCHOOL: Editors' choices

2011-11-25T12:50:00.001-05:00

Years ago, a woman called the local newspaper and complained where we ran a story. She wanted to know who made the decision, and I told her it was probably the big editor. "Who does he think he is?" she asked. "He's the boss," I said. "It's his job to decide."

Actually, it wasn't always his job. Most copy editors make story placement decisions at one time or another. I did. In fact, I enjoy the choices part of journalism -- Where do we put this story? Should it go out front or inside? Should this story run at all?

We usually make the right choice, but sometimes good journalists get confused or lazy.

In 1990, I had just finished covering a race at North Carolina Speedway in Rockingham and settled down in a motel room to watch the TV sports news. They announced that Hank Gathers, the great All-American basketball player, had died, and I thought, "I know what will lead our sports section tomorrow." Amazingly, we ran that story in the lead of the sports briefs package. It was a matter of convenience, and, frankly, we blew it.

We did the same thing when a hockey goalie was in a car wreck and was effectively brain dead. It wasn't my decision; this was a great hockey player, and the story was bigger than the treatment we gave it. In both cases, there was second-guessing the next day at the budget meeting.

I think it was 1993 when Alan Kulwicki died. I was working the sports desk that night, and someone wanted to lead briefs with Kulwicki. It was the briefs syndrome rearing its head again, and I argued that the defending Winston Cup champion deserved better. Some papers would have put Kulwicki on the A front, not just the sports front.

In the end, we put Kulwicki atop the sports front, but it was a battle.

I don't want people to think I was always right; I wasn't. I made bad choices, too. But I did learn a lesson from all of those battles. I always left a "throwaway" spot on the sports front, at the top or bottom, in case someone died or another big story came in just before deadline. That story never jumped, so the important news story would have to stay on the front. But at least it'd make the paper, and we could follow it up the next day.

I wasn't going to put a great or important story in briefs.

Writing your first novel

2011-11-22T12:55:00.001-05:00

In 1977, a friend of mine handed me his "novel," which was really his autobiography. I read it with interest, since I already knew most of the story. In many ways, my friend did a nice job. In others, his novel/autobiography came wanting.

There was no dialogue to spice the narrative. And it was all narrative. My friend said that his father was a mean man, but he didn't give examples. He didn't talk about family dinners and how he was bullied, how his dad showed favoritism among the children, whether his dad beat him.

If he'd written about beatings, he could have talked about his dad's choice of "weapon." Was it a strap, a belt, a switch? Did he choose the closest thing to hit him?

Were the beatings (if there were any) spontaneous or planned out? What was his dad thinking? And what was he thinking when his dad got in those moods?

We didn't learn any of those things. We only learned that he was a mean father.

On the other hand, we didn't hear about his dad's kindnesses either, since Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, the Marquis de Sade and Adolf Hitler all probably had generous and warm sides to go with the death and carnage. No one is all good or all bad, and we didn't hear about it.

And how did his father's rantings or whatever affect his mother and his brothers and sisters? Was his twin sister a help in those times? How did his father treat her?

There was so much to tell, a rich tapestry, if done well.

I explained to my friend that you need to show me, not tell me. And we talked a lot about how to weave one story line within another. He was surprised that I knew so much about writing. I don't know why; I'd read literally hundreds of novels and non-fiction books up to that point, and, frankly, I have a knack for this stuff.

Did his "novel" ever get published? Who knows? If it did, I just hope he added some dialogue and a few more details.

He was a great friend, and I believe I was a good friend to him. But he needed a good editor, too. I wasn't able to help him then, partly because he didn't realize that I could help. I could now. If only...

Who and whom

2011-11-22T12:37:00.001-05:00

Here are several examples of who vs. whom that I've found recently:

Who is it: He's a believer, and so are many of the players, whom have taken on a different mentality, an altered approach, according to tailback Reggie Bush.
M
Let's change the middle of that to "...the players, who have taken..."

Yes, there are times to use whom, but who should get its due, too.

Found online: After all, whom are the Dolphins going to get to replace Sparano on an interim basis?

That's right. Who would work better here.

Another problem: Therefore, this notion that Rivera can hire someone who might be able to develop an offense that can highlight the skill set of Jimmy Clausen, or whomever is the quarterback, is a little farfetched.

Yes, whomever should be whoever.

Finally: South Florida Sun-Sentinel columnist Dave Hyde declared the Chad Henne era over and advised the Dolphins and their fans to move on to whomever the next guy is.

Whoever is next will work fine.

More later.

Peaks and piques

2011-11-16T23:24:00.001-05:00

Found online: This is part of a job posting for an unpaid internship.

Breaking News, Sports, entertainment, and the environment, what peaks your interest?

Nothing peaks your interest; it piques it.

Pique: to excite (interest, curiosity, etc.)

Sigh; more who vs. whom

2011-11-16T17:34:00.001-05:00

Who is it: This is getting monotonous.

He's a believer, and so are many of the players, whom have taken on a different mentality, an altered approach, according to tailback Reggie Bush.
M
Let's change the middle of that to "...the players, who have taken..."

Yes, there are times to use whom, but who should get its due, too.

When I'm editing...

2011-11-15T21:09:00.001-05:00

As an editor, I do the obvious, of course: I look for typos, misspellings and factual errors. But there's much, much more.

While editing and vetting a novel, I quickly realized that the writer had an Army general shooting snipers. It was her business, of course, but a general would never get in that situation. A colonel? Maybe, but not likely. A major? Possibly. The lower the rank, the more plausible this would be.

She laughed. She already knew that a general would never be caught with a rifle shooting snipers. She hoped that no one would catch it. If I caught it, she said, someone else would; so she turned the general into a major. The story immediately became more believable. Not a lot, but some. A gunny sergeant would make sense.

One of her characters was a double agent, and she'd use a real name part of the time and her code name at other times. I found it confusing, and I told her so. Hey, this wasn't James Bond one time and 007 another. This was Jade (or whatever) one time and Jasmine (or whatever) another.

In another book, this one about ancient Egypt, she had a character whose name didn't seem to fit the time and place. She thought that name might have been used at that time and place, but she changed it. I think the story became a little more plausible.

While editing another book, I noticed that the writer wrote Phillipians when he meant Philippines. Slight difference.

Most of my work is grunt work, whether it's in fiction or non-fiction books, letters, web sites, term papers or whatever. I look for parallel construction, changes of tense, tangled sentences. If I find a 50-word sentence, I'll look for ways to convert it to a least two or more sentences.

I check for redundancies or words left out. I look for the quickest and simplest way to say something. And I check as many facts as I can.

I ask questions: Does the writer need this long, detailed explanation? Can we say this in 50 or 100 fewer words? Is this sentence clear? Is the writer just saying the same thing over and over?

Even in the doctoral dissertation, I found ways to combine redundant sentences to make it simpler and easier to read. I even broke up a few long sentences and paragraphs for his professor's benefit.

When I edit, I think, is this comma necessary? Should it be a semicolon or a dash? Would this sentence be better with a comma? Is the writer using too many exclamation and question marks? Don't think that these decisions take forever; they're almost instantaneous (I've been doing this 30-plus years).

The novelist mentioned above had trouble with punctuation. She'd have a quote with a question or exclamation mark AND a comma -- "We never eat out anymore. Why is that?," Martha asked. She didn't need the comma.

I've been pleased with her improvement. I find fewer typos and outright mistakes. Her copy's cleaner and easier to read. She's getting better by the chapter.

Two years ago, I was "Americanizing" British non-fiction books for sale in the Americas. I changed "favour" to "favor," "maximise" to "maximize," and "behaviour" to "behavior." "Loo" became "toilet"; "solicitor" turned into "lawyer", and "lift" became "elevator." With the help of Google, British slang was translated, and when I could, I changed soccer analogies to baseball, basketball and American football. It works better for U.S. audiences.

I did more than that, of course, but you get a flavour, no, flavor of what I did in this case.

I always remind the writer to proofread and edit his/her work a few minutes and a few days later, time permitting. I tell writers to always get a second or third pair of eyes on their work; don't trust Aunt Jane or Uncle Bernie. A professional editor can make your writing sparkle and make you look good.

It's all part of editing. Some writing is so muddled that I need a Rosetta stone. Other times, I don't have much to do. Whether I'm editing a book or working for a newspaper (I've worked at nine), my job is to help the writer and the reader. I work to make the writer's writing shine. My editing will help the reader insert the most information in the easiest manner.

I may cost a little more than some copy editors (and less than many others), but I'm worth it. And your writing's worth it, too.

Prices: I generally charge one cent U.S. a word for long manuscripts (non-fiction and fiction books, academic dissertations, etc.). I also edit web sites, articles, and shorter academic and business writing, and charge $25 an hour for editing and $15 an hour for proofreading.

Too much rushing

2011-11-13T08:03:00.001-05:00

Needs editing: And the defense was manhandled by Notre Dame’s running game, which piled up 212 rushing yards and three rushing touchdowns in a victory that was never in doubt.

The writer talks about Notre Dame's running game, then piles on with rushing yards and rushing touchdowns. This can be re-written this way:

And the defense was manhandled by Notre Dame’s running game, which piled up 212 yards and three touchdowns in a victory that was never in doubt.

Lazy editors

2011-11-12T17:25:00.001-05:00

I've worked with copy editors who had a pat way of editing a story. They'd look for a little chunk of the story, perhaps an anecdote, that they could cut out.

Editors have done that to me many times. At least once, an editor cut out the reason for me writing the story. Another time that I recall, a different editor cut out the best anecdote in my story. In both cases, the stories were watered-down, weakened because of the editing.

Recently, an editor cut out three sentences from a quote to shorten the story. He'd have been better off just paraphrasing the quote. If I'd known he was going to do that, I'd have paraphrased the darn thing, since he cut out the best sentence in the whole story.

Other times, editors have end-cut my stories. And, often, they were leaving out the best part.

Lazy, lazy, lazy.

It did, however, teach me to put all of the good stuff in the first few paragraphs of the story, if possible.

Needs work

2011-11-11T14:13:00.001-05:00

No, sorry: As a former player and now an assistant head coach in Green Bay, players believe Moss knows his stuff.

This sentence makes it sound like the players are a former player and now assistant head coach in Green Bay.

It would read better this way: Players believe Moss, a former player and now an assistant head coach in Green Bay, knows his stuff.

Editing required

2011-11-09T22:10:00.000-05:00

Needs editing: One of the Cavaliers' best perimeter blockers,he also caught 19 passes for 220 yards.

That dependent clause needs help. I'd change the sentence to this: Snyder, one of the Cavaliers' best perimeter blockers,also caught 19 passes for 220 yards.

Fact finders: Korbin completed a sixty-five lap test drive at the world famous Hickory Motor Speedway in Hickory NC. Hickory Speedway is the birthplace of NASCAR stars such as Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Dale Jarrett to name a few, and America's most famous short track.

This needs help in editing and fact-checking.

First, instead of a sixty-five lap test drive, it would be a 65-lap test drive. Second, Hickory Motor Speedway isn't in Hickory, N.C. It's in Newton, N.C. Finally, Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt got their starts elsewhere (although they DID race there, and Dale Jarrett DID get his start at Hickory).

Wrong word: The sentence in question ends with "... a much harsher onethat would drive the sides even farther apart."

You're right; it should be "further," not "farther." Farther involves actual distance, like feet, yards or miles.

A trio of buildings?

2011-11-05T20:00:00.000-04:00

Needs editing: Boeing will take over a trio of empty buildings... How about just three empty buildings?

More editing: Virginia's 13-play 94-yard drive was the longestdrive (yardage) since going 97-yards for a TD against William & Mary inweek one. It's just 97 yards; you don't need a hyphen unless you say that it's a 97-yard drive. Also, you need a comma in 13-play, 94-yard drive...

More later.

50 fancy words and more

2011-11-02T20:23:00.000-04:00

Times blog: You might check out the N.Y. Times blog entry "50 fancy words." If you're into writing, editing or grammar, it'd be worth your time.

Needs editing: Standing in their path: the Maryland Terrapins—a team that has fallen to 2-6 and look ripe for the picking.

It would read better this way: Standing in their path: the Maryland Terrapins, who have fallen to 2-6 and look ripe for the picking.

More later.

Editors' choices

2011-11-02T17:02:00.001-04:00

I enjoy the choices part of journalism -- Where do we put this story? Should it go out front or inside? Should this story run at all? But sometimes good journalists get confused or lazy.

m
In 1990, I had just finished covering a race at North Carolina Speedway in Rockingham and settled down in a motel room to watch the TV sports news. They announced that Hank Gathers, the great All-American basketball player, had died on court, and I thought, "I know what will lead our sports section tomorrow."

Amazingly, we ran that story in the lead of the sports briefs package. It was a matter of convenience, and, frankly, we blew it.
m
We did the same thing when a hockey goalie was in a car wreck and was effectively brain dead. It wasn't my decision; this was a great hockey player, and the story was bigger than the treatment we gave it.
m
Alan Kulwicki died in 1993. I was working the sports desk that night, and someone wanted to lead briefs with Kulwicki. I argued that the defending Winston Cup champion deserved better (I was the paper's auto-racing writer). Some papers would have put Kulwicki on the A front, not just the sports front.
m
In the end, we put Kulwicki on the sports front, but it was a battle.
m
I don't want people to think I was always right; I wasn't. I made bad choices, too. But I did learn a lesson from all of those battles. I always left a "throwaway" spot on the sports front, at the top or bottom, in case someone died or another big story came in just before deadline. That story never jumped, so the important news story would have to stay on the front. But at least it'd make the paper, and we could follow it up the next day.
m
Of course, people don't always appreciate choices. One woman called a paper where I worked and wanted to know why a certain story didn't get in the paper and who made the choice. I told her the name of the big editor, and she said, "Who does he think he is to make that choice?" I told her that someone has to make the choice, and he was pretty good at it.
m
Years ago, a mother was aggravating me to write a story on her son. She assailed me at a high-school basketball game, and she later went to my boss (apparently she assailed him, too). He told her that I was the best sports editor he'd ever had and that he stood by my choices. I appreciated his confidence. (Besides, I asked the local basketball coach if anyone would want to see a story on that mother's son, and he said no. I ran something on the kid in briefs, of all places. She didn't get her feature story.)
m
Readers think that newspapers run stories to increase circulation. If it's sensational, great. I've never worked at a paper that thought that way (and I've worked at nine of them). Editors were always looking for the stories that need to make the paper, and sometimes others get cut out.
m
Have I ever put a story inside that "should" have gone outside. Sure. Sometimes you have no choice.

In the first

2011-10-29T13:42:00.003-04:00

I wonder: This sentence about the World Series makes me wonder -- The first four Rangers batters of the game reached base against him in the first, but Carpenter escaped with only two runs scoring, and the Rangers would not score again.

Since you have "first four Rangers batter of the game" early in the sentence, do you need "in the first"? They'd have to be in the first inning.

Blog: I just found an interesting blog entry about adviser and advisor. I didn't realize that anyone spelled it with an "o".

Too much: The writer has packed too much information in this sentence...

Veteran Cardinals ace, and former Cy Young winner, Chris Carpenter, the workhorse who won his second game of the series in Game 7, called a meeting.

I'd call piling on and give him a 15-yard penalty. He would have better off saving "and former Cy Young winner" for another sentence.

More later.

Baloney

2011-10-27T03:55:00.001-04:00

I just found an online phrase that says "... see right through your bologna..."

The writer wasn't talking about the meat in one of my favorite sandwiches; he/she was talking about baloney. And it should have been written that way.

Otherwise, the writing is just baloney.

I can help

2011-10-26T17:30:00.003-04:00

When writers contact me, they usually ask two questions: How much do you charge? And do you edit my kind of writing?

First, the charge. If it's long (novel, non-fiction book, academic dissertation), I charge one cent a word. I recently cut a doctoral candidate some slack, but normally that's the charge.

Everything else, I charge by the editing project or $25 an hour. I prefer not to charge by the hour unless the client insists. I'd rather do a great job than worry about time. Proofreading is $15 an hour or a half-cent a word.

Second, do I edit your kind of writing? Almost certainly. I've edited a doctoral dissertation. I've turned British books into something for a U.S. market. I've edited non-fiction and fiction books about spirituality, non-fiction self-help books, and an ebook about hand and foot care.

I've edited and proofread novels and non-fiction books. I've edited for a Canadian student, a lawyer from Virginia, a restaurateur in North Carolina, a bookseller from Virginia, and businessmen from Australia.

And that's just a tip of the iceberg. I've edited lots of newspaper stories, and I've written comic-book scripts, three non-fiction books, more than a hundred magazine articles and thousands of newspaper stories.

I've re-written web sites, and I'm looking to ghostwrite books and more.

If you have questions, just ask -- leave a comment here or contact me at tgilli@copydesk.org. I suspect I can help.

Small oops

2011-10-26T17:21:00.001-04:00

Minor edit: This is part of a sentence from a press release -- ... take over the reigns as crew chief... That ought to be reins, not reigns.

Another edit: Here's part of a story found online -- ... whom Washington drafted in the sixth-round out of Penn State. You don't need the hyphen unless you say he was a sixth-round draft pick. Otherwise, sixth round will do.

Bothers me: Here's a sentence just found online -- It's unclear if compensation would be owed to the Pittsburgh Steelers should Cowher took a job with another team. I wonder if the last part of that sentence should be "takes a job with another team." And I might change should to if.

More later.

A great line

2011-10-24T19:07:00.000-04:00

I'm not a fan of the Buffalo Bills, but I was impressed when Sports Illustrated's Peter King compared former quarterback Jim Kelly and the recently deceased center Kent Hull.

"Kelly was (Charles) Lindbergh, and Hull the airplane mechanic," King wrote.

That meant, of course, that Hull preferred to remain anonymous, and that was a great way to say it.

Editing your own work

2011-10-22T18:51:00.000-04:00

I know a great newspaper columnist who writes well, then spends an hour or so editing and proofreading his work. He hones and polishes it. His writing is so well-edited that it's almost impossible to edit or cut it. I've changed a word every now and then, but it's hard.

m
Another terrific newspaper columnist might be done 20 minutes after a sporting event was over; sometimes he'd even beat most of the traffic. He was good, but he'd have been even better if he'd read his work a few times and found his typos and misspellings. Once, he wrote a column about golf, and there were four names of famous golfers. I caught the misspellings of two of them; the next day, all hell broke loose, since the other two names were spelled wrong, too.
M
I've worked with a couple of men who would file stories five or six hours after a football game ended, and you'd still pull your hair out trying to fix it. They were not natural self-editors.
M
Another guy threw the kitchen sink in his writing. He used every note and every quote he had. It was up to us to figure out what would be the lead, the sidebar and, perhaps, the notes. He was a good writer who could have really stood out if he'd been willing to make more choices.
M
Still another writer thought so much of himself that he didn't self-edit. And his writing was a mess. One editor wasn't enough; five might not catch all of his errors. He once wrote a feature AND LEFT OUT THE FIRST NAME OF THE PERSON HE WROTE ABOUT! He wrote a quote that said, "He's a fine football," or something similar. He meant "He's a fine football player." If he'd gone back and read his story again, he'd have caught it.
M
Me? I wasn't expected to be a columnist. I covered sporting events, usually auto racing, although you'd see me at football, basketball, baseball, golf, soccer and even bodybuilding. I wrote features and game stories, and it was a battle for me. If I hurried, my writing was weak. If I had time to edit, it would shine.
M
Which means that I am a typical professional writer. Sometimes I'll be 30 or 45 minutes ahead of time, but, usually, I'm fighting the clock and the editor in my head "looking over my shoulder."
M
My style is to just start writing. Do I need a lead? Sure. I'll put a so-called Associated Press lead (Joe Schmoe scored 24 points, including the last five, as Notre Dame edged...). I'll often find my lead in the middle of my story, so I'll move it to the top, and work the old lead into the story.
M
I always write by the number of words. If a story needs to be 500 words, I write 550. Then I tighten it to 480 and write some more. Then I cut it to 500 again. I'm always adding more information and finding ways to tighten and improve. If I have time, great. If not, well, they'll have something to work with.
N

But I always try to give my editor my best given time constraints; self-editing makes the difference.

Your namesake

2011-10-20T14:01:00.002-04:00

The recent newsletter for the American Copy Editors Society explains the word "namesake."

A namesake is a person or thing named after someone or something else:

RIGHT: Stephan Pyles ate in his namesake restaurant.

WRONG: The restaurant Stephan Pyles was visited by its namesake owner.

The person providing the name is the eponym, not the namesake.

Not sure about that

2011-10-19T15:58:00.000-04:00

I found this sentence online today, and it bothers me:

The Redskins hit the practice field Wednesday morning for a walk-through and for the first time since 2007, John Beck was slated to be their starter in a regular season game.

This reads like John Beck was the Redskins' starter in 2007; at least that's the way I read it. Beck was the starter for a few games for the Miami Dolphins in 2007. He hasn't started for anyone since.

I would also hyphenate regular-season game.

Working with writers

2011-10-17T17:17:00.000-04:00

I've noticed that some of my best writing comes when I write back to a writer. I don't want to break the writer's spirit with tons of edits, but I want him/her to see ways to improve the manuscript.

Sometimes I make hard edits that tighten and improve the words, or I'll re-format dialogue. Or I'll question a fact. The writer might think I'm criticizing his/her writing; no, I just want the writer to think in another way. I want to help the writer and the reader.

My editing style is pretty gentle. Sometimes you can't tell I've even been there ... unless you look at the Track Changes.

Versatile editor

2011-10-16T19:35:00.004-04:00

People wonder if I'm the kind of editor they're seeking.

I see you've written a lot of sports. You don't edit booksabout spirituality, do you? Well, yes. I edited a novel on spirituality twoyears ago, and I edited a non-fiction book about spirituality last year. Both writers were happy, andboth were better writers when I finished.

You don't edit books about cosmetics and nail / toenailcare, do you? I edited an ebook about nail / toenail care, and she seemed veryhappy, too.

Do you edit for businessmen? Yes, I've done editing for arestaurateur and a lawyer, plus a businessman in Australia who is looking tochange the world. In fact, I'm editing for that company Down Under right now.

I've even edited individual articles before they were sentto online magazines, and I "Americanized" two dozen British non-fictionbooks so they could be sold in the U.S.

I've also done other editing and proofreading, includingnovels, non-fiction books, web sites and a doctoral dissertation.

If you're not sure, just ask. One novelist was uncertain, soI suggested that she pay for one chapter. If she liked my work, we'd continue.I've edited most of two of her novels, and I was pleased to learn that myediting skills work well with fiction. She's becoming a better writer; snappierwriting, not so long-winded. And she's interested in me editing a third novelfor her.

Another writer wasn't sure, so she asked for references. Igave two names and email addresses, and she came back the next day; she wantedme to edit her book. I think it went well.

At least one would-be novelist found me online last fall.He's learning just how much he didn't know, and he's becoming a better writer.I'm pleased. I look forward to working with him again. He's turning into a realnovelist.

The doctoral dissertation was a little tricky, sinceacademic writing is not supposed to be as simple and clear as other writing. Itwent well, though, and he got his doctorate.

I've also edited a lot of sports writing.

What's next? How can I help you?

Charged headline

2011-10-15T17:00:00.004-04:00

It looks like I'm on a headline kick. I just found this one:

Electric vehicles still stuck in neutral with consumers

I don't have to look at the story to know what this story is about. Consumers aren't buying electric vehicles. Nicely done.

Rocking headline

2011-10-12T15:33:00.002-04:00

Normally, I avoid cute headlines, but I kinda liked this one:

Eagles stuck between a rock and last place

The Philadelphia Eagles made significant additions to their team this year, and they opened the season with dreams of being a "Dream Team." That's gone down the tubes; I think they're 1-4 to open the season and are in last place in the NFC East.

So the headline, a play on "rock and a hard place," seems to fit.

Where's the "t"?

2011-10-10T17:54:00.002-04:00

This sentence, just found online, is missing something, a "t."

Before Dan Marino sent the No. 13 into immorality, Jake Scott made a strong case to have it retired in his honor.

I think they meant "immortality," not "immorality." At least I hope so.

Different kinds of editors

2011-10-08T19:29:00.003-04:00

I've worked with editors who add or subtract a few commas, write headlines and end-cut copy. Which means they're pretty lazy. If they find a factual error or typo, you're pretty lucky.

I've worked with overbearing editors who change everything, whether it needs it not. In fact, I once found a magazine story I'd written and didn't recognize it! The copy editor had added about six inches of copy to the story at the beginning, something I haven't seen before or since. Was it better? Maybe. It was certainly more dramatic. Should he have done it? No.

The editor for the magazine apologized and told me that particular copy editor often re-wrote stories. "I guess it makes him feel more important," the editor said about the copy editor. At the time, I wasn't happy.

A few years ago, I worked with a terrific editor who re-wrote my leads and endings to his taste. He'd ask if I liked them, and I'd say they were OK. They were OK, but they weren't better than what I'd written. But the checks didn't bounce, so I didn't complain. Besides, I admired that editor then, and I still do.

Another editor used to change my football stories. I'd write that the QB flipped the ball over a defender to a running back, and the back dodged two tacklers and raced 80 yards for a touchdown. He didn't drill the pass; he flipped it over someone. The editor asked if he passed the ball. I said yes, and he changed it to the QB passed the ball to the back, who ran 80 yards. Instead of giving the reader a vision of what happened, he changed it.

I can't complain, though. This guy has fixed my factual errors and a few times added information that made a story better. Generally, he's made me look good (just not when anyone was flipping a pass).

I worked with another editor who seemed to think that boring leads were a good thing. He'd re-write my lead, then send the story for my approval. I'd punch it up a bit and send it back. He'd accept the new lead almost every time. Finally, I figured out what he would accept and went ahead and started writing those leads. He wasn't a natural editor, so I helped make it easier for him.

Another editor would look for any excuse to cut copy. She'd ask dozens of questions. After each, she'd say, "We don't need that." If a person wasn't quoted in the story, she'd cut him out. Of course, she might cut him out even if he was quoted.

Me? A good writer has nothing to fear from me. I'll change passive voice to active voice, add a nice turn of phrase and generally try to let his/her voice shine through. A bad writer? Well, I'll re-write it if necessary. My aim is to help the reader, as well as the writer. Generally, a good writer can't even tell that I've been there.

Of course, most editors, even the bad ones, do good things, too (although I'm not sure about that guy who re-wrote my magazine story). On a good day, even a bad editor can be a big help.

Perks

2011-10-01T16:09:00.002-04:00

It's interesting that an extra benefit for a job is called a perk. Why? It comes from the word perquisite.

For example, use of the company's jet is a perquisite of the job. So is a company car.

I guess perqs just wouldn't go over well.

Quick edit

2011-09-30T13:10:00.002-04:00

I know people wonder why I often use sports sentences to display examples of editing. That's simple: I find more sports sentences that need editing. Most (but not all) of the news and feature material I read is well edited.

Let's look at this one:

Walden’s shoulder hit what appeared to be Cutler’s shoulder while outside linebacker Clay Matthews was tackling the quarterback.

Is this the same?

Walden’s shoulder appeared to hit Cutler’s shoulder while outside linebacker Clay Matthews was tackling the quarterback.

It's a minor edit, but I think it's better this way.

Who vs. whom, again

2011-09-26T15:51:00.001-04:00

I hate to go back to "who vs. whom" again, but it appears necessary. Found online:

After all, whom are the Dolphins going to get to replace Sparano on an interim basis?

That's right. Who would work better here.

Oops. I just noticed the sentence in front of the one above.

That is — regardless of what the mob with torches and pitchforks wants — the correct tact.

Tacking comes from sailing, and it would be the correct tack, not tact.

By the way, someone on LinkedIn has said that people are using "cache" when they mean "cachet." You're right; two different things.

It reminds me of the "writer" who talked about a two-carrot earring. That would be two-carat, not two-carrot. Bugs Bunny, an expert on carrots, would know the difference.

Wrong

2011-09-24T13:17:00.000-04:00

I just heard an author on radio say "to my sister and I." No. I believe that would be "to my sister and me." To me, you wouldn't say "to I."

I do understand his mistake. It's easier to write right than it is to speak correctly.

National Punctuation Day

2011-09-24T12:55:00.000-04:00

For all of you writers and editors out there, today is National Punctuation Day. I don't know if there is anything big planned -- picnics, fireworks, trick or treaters -- but I wish we could do something.

Obviously, punctuation is near and dear to me.

COMMENT: You need an editor

2011-09-21T18:15:00.002-04:00

Here's a comment from a reader on my post about writers needing editors (whether they think they do or not):

WordzGuysaid...: +1, as the kids say. Roger Angell, who knows a thing or two about writing, once said this:

"Every writer needs a good editor. All of them, even the best. It's interesting that the older and best-known and most professional writers are the ones who really appreciate an editor. Young writers are terrified. They think, 'What I've done should not be touched.'"

I will also venture to observe that in these "I don't need an editor" discussions, the writer is probably thinking only about things like minor grammatical errors and typos. Whereas editing encompasses such issues as identifying who exactly the writer is talking to, and why they need the information; whether the information is being presented in a logical and useful order; whether it contains fluff or obscurity, or is simply incomplete; etc.; September 20, 2011 11:32 AM

Thanks for the comment, WordzGuy.

A horrible stacked modifier

2011-09-18T10:46:00.001-04:00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I hate stacked modifiers. Take this:

They have one more against the Angels on Sunday and then try to ruin the baseball lives of the American League wild-card-leading Boston Red Sox next week at Fenway Park.

"American League wild-card-leading Boston Red Sox" is way too long. This is better:

They play the Angels again on Sunday and then next week at Boston will try to ruin the baseball lives of the Red Sox, leading the wild-card chase in the American League.

It's about the same length, and it gets rid of the huge stack.

You need a good editor

2011-09-17T20:47:00.002-04:00

I was asking my freelance writers and editors group who they get to edit their stories, and I was shocked. One of the writers said that she didn't need an editor. She's a good writer and self-editor and doesn't make spelling or factual mistakes.

Naturally, I was shocked. I'm a good writer and terrific self-editor, and I always feel nervous when I throw my blogs out there with no one reading them in advance. I constantly write with instead of who or that instead of than. I flip-flop words or transpose letters in a single word. Even though I push tight writing, I get wordy. I can't help it; I'm human.

In the 1990s, I was the auto-racing writer for a newspaper, and on Saturdays I'd be given the auto-racing page to design. Naturally, my column would go on that page, and I would ask nearly everyone in the sports and news departments to read it. I make mistakes, and I need an editor.

And that writer needs an editor, whether she thinks so or not.

Another writer on the freelance network has family members edit her stories or articles. She says that they're all educated and have a writing background. I can understand this writer's feelings, since I have my wife read my magazine or newspaper stories for errors. Of course, my wife was a copy editor at the local newspaper. Different kettle of fish.

My advice: Find a good editor, whether it's a family member who has a degree in English or a professional like me. Don't take chances.

Too much going on

2011-09-13T02:54:00.000-04:00

The writer is trying to do too much with this sentence:

The Raiders (1-0) won in Denver for the fourth straight season in coach Hue Jackson's NFL head coaching debut, and handed the Broncos (0-1) their first loss in a home opener since 2000.

That sounds like Hue Jackson won his coaching debut each of the last four seasons.

In Coach Hue Jackson's NFL head coaching debut, the Raiders (1-0) won in Denver for the fourth straight season. They handed the Broncos (0-1) their first loss in a home opener since 2000.

Something's wrong

2011-09-12T18:19:00.001-04:00

I read this sentence/paragraph two or three times and realized there's a first name missing.

Virginia redshirt junior Ausar Walcott replaced fifth-year senior as the starter at strong-side linebacker Saturday at Indiana, a move Coach Mike London said Sunday was due in part to Walcott’s improved play and in part to health issues that kept Taliaferro at less than 100 percent.

Taliaferro's first name is Aaron; I looked it up.

By the way, that sentence could easily be two sentences.

Virginia redshirt junior Ausar Walcott replaced fifth-year senior as the starter at strong-side linebacker Aaron Taliaferro Saturday at Indiana. The move was made, Coach Mike London said Sunday, was due in part to Walcott’s improved play and in part to health issues that kept Taliaferro at less than 100 percent.

It's longer this way, but it's easier to read.

More on tight copy

2011-09-12T18:12:00.000-04:00

Again, I'm making a point about writing tight. I want writers to think in another way.

Johnson finished the night with three tackles, two of which resulted in a loss for the Hoosiers.

There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but consider this:

Johnson finished with three tackles, two for loss.

What's the difference? Nine fewer words, the same meaning.

A comment on cutting copy

2011-09-10T14:54:00.001-04:00

Here's a comment on my blog entry about tightening copy.

tomsaid...: Funny story from my newspaper days: we had zoned sections where the same article ran in several editions. My copy chief shared his duties with a deputy so one time he did not see how badly written a story was until it arrived in the last edition, which was my section.

He thought, "heck, I've got plenty of time before deadline, for once I'm going to cut all the fat out of this writer's copy" (the writer was notoriously flabby).

I'm the guy approving this story in the backshop. This was in the old days before pagination when the type came out in long strips. The composing room guy cuts it into place and guess what: it's four inches too short -- by that time the editor had used up all his deadline time so it was impossible to find a filler -- so we had to use the previous, flabby version to get the section to the press on time.; September 10, 2011 11:04 AM

It's funny, tom, but I've gone through the same thing a few times, at least from the copy editing side. In my case, I've gotten a story for third (final) edition and have edited it. Then I had to move copy around a bit or enlarge a photo to make it fit. We were using pagination (this was the 1990s), and I was doing the editing and paginating, so fitting the story in wasn't a major problem.

Thanks for the comment.

A comment on editing

2011-09-10T09:37:00.001-04:00

I often write about tightening copy, and here's a comment about my last post.

tomsaid...: Sometimes leaving a word or two in there makes the sentence a bit more conversational (a decision best left to editors, mind you.)

I think for emphasis it would not have hurt to say
"Until tonight, no rookie had ever scored..."

Granted it's not absolutely necessary but sometimes copy can be a bit too lean if you slice every gram of fat.; September 10, 2011 7:37 AM

I agree with the commenter in theory. Editors have ruined my writing a time or two by cutting it to the bone. Still, the writer needs to think in terms of filling a space. On the Internet, there's plenty of room to be verbose (although online readers will tune out long stories); not so in newspapers and magazines.

Besides, I always want writers to think tight. Your assigning editors will appreciate it.

Thanks to tom for the comment. Keep your comments coming.

Getting tighter

2011-09-10T01:27:00.002-04:00

I'm going to use this sentence to make my continuing point about tightening copy.

Until tonight, no rookie NFL history had ever had a scoring reception and a kickoff return for a touchdown in his team's season opener.

Actually, I think he meant "no rookie in NFL history..." Anyway, let's try again:

Until tonight, no NFL rookie had scored on a reception and a kickoff return in a season opener.

The rest is just embellishment.

Editing required

2011-09-06T23:25:00.000-04:00

This paragraph needs to be trimmed down a bit.

Green – whose father, Kevin Morgan, was a running back at Virginia – played quarterback at Petersburg, where was known for his dual-threat ability. He threw for more than 2,000 yards and rushed for nearly 1,000 yards as a high school senior in 2010 and was rated a two-star recruit by Rivals.com. He also played defensive back.

The "dual-threat" aspect was repeated in the next sentence, so this might become:

Green's father, Kevin Morgan, was a running back at Virginia. Green threw for more than 2,000 yards and rushed for nearly 1,000 yards as a senior quarterback at Petersburg in 2010. Green, rated a two-star recruit by Rivals.com, also played defensive back.

We don't need to say "high-school senior," since we know he was in high school.

The happy (or not) hyphen

2011-09-05T23:05:00.000-04:00

It's funny how writers handle hyphens. Some hyphenate everything; others hyphenate nothing.

Me? I'm probably somewhere in the middle.

I worked for a newspaper thay said that so-and-so was a high-school athlete, and I've often written that Ned Jarrett and Junior Johnson were hall-of-fame drivers. Every time a questionable word or phrase came up, we'd try to decide if it should be one word, two words or hyphenated.

I just found "three-consecutive wins" online. That aforementioned newspaper preferred the hyphen in this case. I wouldn't hyphenate three consecutive wins, and I don't see why you'd need to.

A hyphen helps the reader, and the reader doesn't need help in this case.

What do you think about the use or overuse of hyphens?

These sentences need editing

2011-09-04T23:53:00.000-04:00

Here are some sentences and paragraphs I've pointed to for instruction:

The (New England) Patriots gave up undisclosed draft considerations for Burgess. That means draft picks, and I'd rather they said that.

One of the news wires said that a player was held out of a baseball game because of concession-like symptoms. They meant concussion.

A wire story about the NFL said that a streak of eight consecutive Pro Bowl berths came to an end. That's right; you don't need consecutive. A streak is already consecutive.

I got a press release saying that so-and-so just set a new record at Somewhere Speedway. All newsmen cringe when they hear that. You can't set an old record; it has to be a new one.

This was found in the NY Times: Whom did the Giants pick with the choices netted in the Shockey trade? Maybe it's just me, but, to my ear, Who did the Giants pick works better.

I found this online — "I grew to love it,” Sullivan, of Andover, Mass., said. That reads better as, "I grew to love it,” said Sullivan, of Andover, Mass. It's cleaner, easier to read.

Found online — Expectations were low heading into 2008, but with the edition of Bill Parcells to the front office,... The addition of Bill Parcells, GM Jeff Ireland and coach Tony Sparano, all from the Dallas Cowboys, turned the Dolphins into an 11-6 team last year.

This was found in a NY Times story — Some of the residents have a sense of whom Dalkowski was, or might have been. Yes, it should be who, not whom. Who Dalkowski was.

The AP started one story this way: First-round draft pick Jordan Hill has signed with the New York Knicks. The Knicks announced Saturday that they had signed the forward from Arizona. Hill was the eighth overall pick in the draft. I changed that to The New York Knicks announced yesterday that they have signed first-round draft pick Jordan Hill. Hill, the forward from Arizona, was the eighth overall pick in the draft.

Be more positive

2011-09-02T23:16:00.000-04:00

Associated Press writers come up with these sentences all the time.

He fumbled when his passing arm was hit from behind by Michael Johnson.

How about this:

He fumbled when Michael Johnson hit his passing arm from behind.

Could use editing

2011-09-02T16:44:00.000-04:00

I see sentences like this one all the time. The writer makes his statement in a round-about way.

Based on the Packers' final two preseason games, So'oto is going to be a player who can help their pass rush right away.

The writer could take a more direct approach. For instance:

Based on the Packers' final two preseason games, So'oto should help their pass rush right away.

Half-full or half-empty

2011-09-02T00:56:00.000-04:00

Here's a sentence I just found online that could be turned around:

There isn’t any driver hotter in NASCAR than Keselowski, and he has to be the favorite to cash in on the Showdown bonus (if it’s possible to name a favorite).

That's the glass half-empty side of writing. The other side:

Keselowski is as hot as any driver in NASCAR, and he has to be the favorite to cash in on the Showdown bonus (if it’s possible to name a favorite).

My chat on Savvy Authors

2011-09-01T06:37:00.001-04:00

I enjoyed my chat on Savvy Authors Saturday, but I came away a little puzzled. I assumed from talking to Savvy Authors people that we were going to talk a lot about how to improve your self-editing skills.

No one asked about that.

Instead, people asked about how much I charged, my credentials, my strengths and weaknesses as an editor. One writer said that anyone could claim to be an editor, an implication that I ignored. I told him to read my editing blog (this one) and get a feel about my ability to edit. I also suggested he ask for references.

My goal wasn't to put him in his place, although my emotions told me to do that. I like to edit and improve your writing. It's fun; it's useful, and it's a living.

By the way, check out my column on Savvy Authors called
Advice to be and would-be novelists.

Writers and editors

2011-08-29T19:25:00.001-04:00

Freelance network: If you're a freelancer, check out the Freelance Writers and Editors network on Yahoo. I think you'll be glad you did.

Followers: I see that this blog has attracted 54 followers. Greetings and welcome to you all. I'm thrilled, and a bit humbled, that you're here. If you have any comments or suggestions for blog entries, I'd like to hear them.

Blogs: If you have an editing or writing blog (or if you have a particular entry you're proud of), let me hear about it. It doesn't even have to be a writing or editing blog. I just like good writing. Thanks.

Check it out: You might look at Funds for Writers, which specializes in grants for writers.

More later.

Blocked kick?

2011-08-28T06:24:00.003-04:00

I just found a headline online just now that said that Titans punter takes blocked kick for first down.

Actually, he didn't carry the ball after a blocked kick. It was a blocked punt.

I suspect the headline writer didn't want to put "punter" and "punt" in the same headline. So he/she came up with an incorrect headline.

Every writer needs an editor

2011-08-27T17:53:00.001-04:00

She was wrong. I'm a good writer and terrific self-editor, and I always feel nervous when I throw my blogs out there with no one reading them in advance. I constantly write with instead of who or that instead of than. I flip-flop words or transpose letters in a single word. Even though I push tight writing, I get wordy. I can't help it; I'm human.

In the 1990s, I was the auto-racing writer for a newspaper, and on Saturdays I'd be given the auto-racing page to design. Naturally, my column would go on that page, and I'd ask nearly everyone in the sports and news departments to read it. I make mistakes, and I need an editor.

And that writer needs an editor, whether she thinks so or not.

Another writer on the freelance network has family members edit her stories or articles. She says that they're all educated and have a writing background. I can understand this writer's feelings, since I have my wife read my magazine or newspaper stories for errors. Of course, my wife is a copy editor at the local newspaper. Different kettle of fish.

My advice: Find a good editor, whether it's a family member who has a degree in English or a professional like me. Don't take chances.

But unless your Uncle Joe is a professional editor, I'm a much better option.

P.S.: Check out the blog Good Writing Needs Editing.

Writing your article lead

2011-08-27T17:23:00.000-04:00

So you want to grab your reader's attention fast? Well, do ya?

Maybe we can help.

A reader asked me last year to talk about the story lead. "I know what it(the story lead) is," the reader wrote, "but I don't know how youdecide what it is. Is it the most interesting part for your readers?The point of the story?

"Is the lead dictated by your writing style or approach? For example, asport story. One would assume the lead is the result of the game. Butthat's not always used as the lead is it. Why not?"

While the headline interests the reader in the story, the lead drawshim into it. The Associated Press lead is the simplest newspaper lead."President Barack Obama asked Congress to pass environmentallegislation Wednesday..."

A more interesting AP lead might be, "President Barack Obama wasworried about global warming Wednesday, and an argument heated up inCongress." The first one would draw you into the story, but the secondone should really grab you. Or burn you up.

It doesn't have to be the first sentence or the first paragraph. Someleads run some several paragraphs, and I've probably written one or twolike that. Over the years, I've come to prefer a quick lead, then onwith the story.

I once worked with a guy who wrote long, convoluted leads, and everyoneat the newspaper ragged him. So his leads got shorter and shorter. Theybecame eight words, then five, then four. We quickly started countingthe words in his leads. It got to the point that he was more concernedwith the number of words rather than simply writing a good lead.

An editor and I once argued about a sports lead in which the writerwrote "Joe Schmoe scored two touchdowns and Big Muddy High beat LittleBig Horn High, 24-20, on Friday night." The editor said that was theimportant part, and I countered that Big Muddy improved its record to10-0 on the season. He looked at me disgustedly and told the writer tochange the lead.

What did the guy write? I don't remember, but it could have been "BigMuddy High didn't play one of its best games on Friday night, but theMud Whumpers are still perfect." Then you can add the score, give theirrecord and talk about Joe Schmoe and all of the Whumpers' turnovers andscrewups.

I've seen long, complicated leads that won press awards. My friend'sopening was fairly long. But writing a short one might win as well.

The person who first taught me to edit also wrote long, metaphysical(read: boring) leads that would keep you out of her stories. But shewas a heck of an editor. I often wondered why she didn't edit her leadsand improve them.

So how do you find your lead? That's up toyou and the story. There's no set way to write a lead, and 100 peoplecould write 100 great leads for the same story.

Is a lead the most important part of your story? No, it's just onepart. But if you do it well (and you'll know it instantly), the rest ofthe story will fall right into line.

Oh, one other thing: It's not a good idea to lead with a question. People will say "I don't care," and go to something else.

Is that right?

2011-08-25T18:53:00.002-04:00

I just found this sentence online in an Australian magazine of learning.

But he mermerised the room – partly, no doubt, due to his exalted place in history – but also because he could actually spin a tale, and carry you with him.

I wonder if the writer meant "mesmerized" (or mesmerised in Australian parlance) instead of "mermerised."

Finishing your article well

2011-08-24T04:33:00.001-04:00

What's the big deal about writing the end of a story?

The ending is as important as a headline, the lead or the mass in the middle. It supports and substantiates the rest of the story, and it's the last lingering (or not) memory that a reader takes from the story.

For years, journalists would use the last sentence of a story as the headline. That's out nowadays, replaced with a quote. If I can find a great quote, I'll often save it for last. A great ending can make a good story even better.

How can you tell a great ending? You just know it, the same way you know a great headline or lead (often spelled lede in newspaper parlance). The difference is that some people can quote a great lead, but almost no one can quote great endings.

I've often asked editors how long they want the story to be, and they'd say, "Write until the story is finished." You don't put everything you know in a story. Be choosy. Somehow, I've always known when a story was done, and the story is rarely overly long.

I've seen long endings that I thought were great, but most great leads are short.

Unlike a short story or a novel, a newspaper or magazine article doesn't have to have a happy or sad ending. The story has been told, and it just feels right. It makes you feel you've resolved whatever you started at the beginning.

What's a great ending? "Louie, this is the beginning of a great friendship," from Casablanca, is a great ending. I knew it the first time I saw it, more than 40 years ago, and everyone who has seen the movie will agree.

I once was writing a story on NASCAR drivers surviving the heat in Daytona Beach, Talladega (Ala.), Darlington (S.C.) and other hot spots. The computer screwed up, and I had to read the ending to my editor. When I finished, he said, "That's a great ending!" I told him, "If it's a great ending, move it to the lead!" I was kidding; I knew that a great ending doesn't make a great lead, or vice versa.

A great ending stands alone.

Awkward sentences

2011-08-22T15:03:00.001-04:00

Needs editing: Henne has struggled with the location of his passes his entire career, especially when it comes to throwing deep. That's an issue the coaches have worked on addressing.

Both sentences could be improved.

Henne has struggled with the location of his passes, especially long throws, his entire career. The coaches have addressed that issue.

Powerful writing

2011-08-21T04:50:00.003-04:00

I hate wishy-washy words. Throw out the "to be" verbs and give me something active, something powerful.

And take "made his way." Please. I once was reading a chapter in a novel and noticed "made his way" eight times on one page and 40 times in the chapter. The protagonist didn't walk, strut or stroll. He didn't move, slide, wend or walk. He didn't even matriculate or hurry. Or stumble and fall.

He just made his way, over and over and over.

It works the same way when writers use tons of modifiers. Saturn is massive; it can't be very massive or hugely massive (yes, I'm exaggerating to make a point). A locomotive is powerful. Very, extremely and all of the modifiers in the world won't change or add to that.

If a woman is beautiful or stunning or enchanting, will a modifier make her more so?

A woman is pregnant, not very pregnant (I'd be tempted to say that she's hugely pregnant, though). And a one-of-a-kind diamond is unique. Very won't boost it a bit.

Shakespeare wasn't famous or revered because of his wordiness. He cut his writing to the core and made every word count. (And, of course, he was one heck of a writer.)

In fact, you can pretty much kick the word "very" out of your vocabulary and use powerful words. Mark Twain suggested that we change every very in our writing to damn. The editor will take out the damns, and the writing will be as it should be.

Smart man, that Twain. Very smart.

Oops!

Subtle edit

2011-08-19T16:49:00.003-04:00

Needs editing: In starting the past 22 games, DeMarco has thrown 44 touchdowns and 16 interceptions, and has run for 25 more scores.

You don't throw touchdowns or interceptions; you throw touchdown passes, and the defense intercepts passes. So I'd change it this way:

In starting the past 22 games, DeMarco has thrown 44 touchdown passes, with 16 interceptions, and has run for 25 more scores.

Yes, I'm a versatile editor

2011-08-19T16:39:00.001-04:00

People wonder if I'm the kind of editor they're seeking.

I see you've written a lot of sports. You don't edit books about spirituality, do you? Well, yes. I edited a novel on spirituality two years ago, and I edited a non-fiction book about spirituality last year. Both writers were happy, and both were better writers when I finished.

You don't edit books about cosmetics and nail / toenail care, do you? I edited an ebook about nail / toenail care, and she seemed very happy, too.

Do you edit for businessmen? Yes, I've done editing for a restaurateur and a lawyer, plus a businessman in Australia who is looking to change the world. In fact, I'm editing for that company Down Under right now.

I've even edited individual articles before they were sent to online magazines, and I "Americanized" two dozen British non-fiction books so they could be sold in the U.S.

I've also done other editing and proofreading, including novels, non-fiction books, web sites and a doctoral dissertation.

If you're not sure, just ask. One novelist was uncertain, so I suggested that she pay for one chapter. If she liked my work, we'd continue. I've edited most of two of her novels, and I was pleased to learn that my editing skills work well with fiction. She's becoming a better writer; snappier writing, not so long-winded. And she's interested in me editing a third novel for her.

Another writer wasn't sure, so she asked for references. I gave two names and email addresses, and she came back the next day; she wanted me to edit her book. I think it went well.

At least one would-be novelist found me online last fall. He's learning just how much he didn't know, and he's becoming a better writer. I'm pleased. I look forward to working with him again. He's turning into a real novelist.

The doctoral dissertation was a little tricky, since academic writing is not supposed to be as simple and clear as other writing. It went well, though, and he got his doctorate.

I've also edited a lot of sports writing.

What's next? How can I help you?

Shifting copy desks

2011-08-16T14:01:00.000-04:00

My wife lost her job when Media General dissolved the copy desk at the Winston-Salem (NC) Journal and centralized its copy-desk operations in Tampa and Richmond. At the same time (last December, about a week before Christmas), I lost my part-time freelance job with the Journal.

Here's a story on the centralization of copy desks published by the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. It's a subject close to my heart, and it's an important one for all current and future copy editors.

And all former copy editors, like my wife and me.

Cautionary tale

2011-08-15T14:34:00.000-04:00

Here's a comment from Rob Crompton, a member of my Freelance Writers and Editors network on Yahoo. It's regards my recent post on apostrophes.

Rob Cromptonsaid...: A member of a writers' forum to which I belong posted an interesting cautionary tale:

She had written a report which was to be printed in her department's annual review. It contained various instances of its and it's - all correct. Before sending it for printing her supervisor, thinking he was improving it, inserted all the supposedly missing apostrophes. "It doesn't matter which you use," he said, "but it is important to be consistent."; August 15, 2011 8:25 AM

Quick thoughts on apostrophes

2011-08-14T20:41:00.001-04:00

Many writers have problems with apostrophes, and even I have to sometimes think a bit before I use them. People might say that a nonagenarian is in his 90's (not necessary; 90s will do), the temperature is in the 90's (90s is fine) or I bought that car in the 1990's (1990s will do).

They'll even write '90's to shorten 1990's. That will work fine as '90s or 1990s.

You don't need to write their's. Theirs is already possessive. On the other hand, people write ten's of thousands. It's not possessive, so you don't need the apostrophe. It's simply tens of thousands.

In most cases, the rule of thumb is to ask yourself if the word is possessive (Tiger Woods' golf clubs, the Green Bay Packers' quarterback). If it's not possessive, you probably don't need an apostrophe.

One more thing: If you said that James owns a green car, you might say that James's car is green. Or James' car is green. Me? I prefer James's car.

An incorrect headline

2011-08-13T16:56:00.001-04:00

Technically, this headline (found online) is wrong.

Kurt Busch wins first Nationwide race since 2006

Busch didn't win the first Nationwide race since 2006, and he didn't win his first Nationwide race since 2006.

Busch earns his first Nationwide victory since 2006

Advice for J-school students

2011-08-12T06:29:00.002-04:00

If you're a journalism student, find a newspaper and become a clerk. You'll answer phones, particularly if you're working in sports, and you'll learn. Eventually, they'll send you out to cover a game or write a feature story.

If you're lucky, they'll put you on the copy desk. I know a woman who started out as sports clerk and became a sports copy editor. She's been doing it for 15 years or more.

You won't make a ton of money -- I think the local newspaper pays $8 an hour for a sports clerk -- but you'll learn.

Newspapers have cut back on freelancing, but ask the news editor (sometimes called the metro editor), the sports editor and the features editor if they could use freelance stories. They might suggest stories, or they might assign them. Or they might ask for suggestions. You won't get paid much, but the experience is priceless, whether you're in college or still in high school.

Oh, did I mention that you'll learn? I learned a bit from going to J-school, but I learned a lot from working at the college newspaper and working for the college information office. And I learned even more from my internship.

Then I got my first of nine jobs, and I learned some more.

Go out and learn.

On your writing style

2011-08-10T07:25:00.002-04:00

Thanks to this person for this comment. I'm glad you stumbled across my blog, too.

Editing and Proofreading Servicessaid...

Great posting. I remember my days as a news writer for Lehigh University's Brown and White... interviews were hard to come by at times with administrators, so I would be running from one side of the campus to the other, then writing my story during a marketing lecture in order to meet what I thought was a fairly tight deadline. And I was like your colleagues, getting as much on paper as possible before even thinking about the lead. Anyway, thanks again for the interesting post. Glad I stumbled across your blog.

August 10, 2011 12:12 AM

Comments on editing a quote

2011-08-09T17:38:00.003-04:00

Here are two comments I received on a recent post about editing quotes.Andy Bechtelsaid...

It's fine. On some level, you are editing quotes by selecting which ones to use from your notebook or tape.
Ninisaid...: I'd shorten the quote the same way you did. That's not changing the quote. After all, you're not quoting everything the person said.

Thanks for both comments.

Your writing style

2011-08-09T07:56:00.001-04:00

How do you write? Do you have to write the lead first? Do you start in the middle?

My wife, a career copy editor, had to cover events early in her career, and she had to find that elusive lead before she could proceed. Sometimes she'd find her lead while driving back to the newspaper; other times, she'd sit and stare at the computer screen, looking for Divine intervention. She's joked that it might take 45 minutes of staring at the screen to get started; I hope she was kidding.

Many years ago, I worked with a guy who had a system I'd never seen. He'd type in information in separate paragraphs. He'd put a quote here, a fact there. He'd basically dump his notes into the system in a scattershot manner, then try to make sense of them. Strangely, I recently found another colleague doing the same thing. It seemed odd to me, but it apparently worked for them.

Me? I work somewhere in the middle. I'm a fairly slow writer normally, and I like to give myself time for editing; so I need ways to speed up and make deadline.

If that lead hits me early, I write it and go on from there. Most times, though, I just start writing with no regard to lead. I might put an Associated Press lead — Joe Schmoe scored 24 points last night as Harvard beat ... — to get me started. At times, I've "found" my lead in the fifth, 15th or 19th paragraph. Other times, I'll be writing, and that lead will come to me. I'll go to the top, write in the lead, then go back and finish the story.

For a newspaper article, I might have a goal of 500 words. I'll write 600 words, then go back and pare it down to 490. Then I'll add 50 or 60 words of good information and then trim that near my 500-word goal.

A few years ago, I was covering a high-school football playoff game in the boondocks, and my deadline of 11:15 p.m. worried me. As I often do, I sat writing the game as it happened. I'd type in touchdown drives and big plays and turning points.

After the game ended, I did my interviews and was placed in the assistant principal's office. I inserted the quotes, added a little color and did my edits. I sent the story, and the assistant sports editor was stunned when I called at 10:30, 45 minutes ahead of deadline. Speed had nothing to do with it; it was all preparation.

I've worked with guys who were slower than Christmas, including one who is a great writer and a terrific self-editor. I've worked with others who are just slow. And still others are good writers with great speed. I know a former Associated Press writer who can write copy as fast as most people can copy a story that was already finished.

Advice: Don't worry about writing. Use your own writing style. Get your facts straight and be on time. Read your story a time or two to catch typos and factual errors, then let it rip. Your editor will be pleased.

I'd change that sentence

2011-08-07T20:26:00.003-04:00

Maybe it's personal preference, but I'd change this sentence.

Yet, coach Mike London and company is trying to change just that.

My edits:

Yet Coach Mike London and company are trying to change just that.

Any comments?

It's pet peeves time again

2011-08-07T20:20:00.002-04:00

Every editor has his pet peeves. I really hate it when a writer says that so-and-so is a legend in college-basketball coaching or stock-car racing. If he's John Wooden or Richard Petty (or Dale Earnhardt Sr.), I'd agree. Anyone else, not likely. There just aren't that many legends out there.

I don't like it when they say that "over" 10 billion burgers have been served. It should be "more than."

I hate it when a novelist constantly says that his protagonist "made his way." Why can't he walk, strut or stumble? Or just fall down and die?

I really, truly hate it when they say that the First Annual Joe Schmoe Memorial Fun Run will be held Saturday. We don't know if it's an annual event. Maybe they'll run out of money, or maybe the fun run chairman will run off with somebody's wife.

I don't look at an event as annual until the third year. They've proven something to me by then; they're not going to give up. They have people and a plan. They're going to find another chairman if he runs off to Acapulco.

To me, the first event is inaugural, not first annual. The next year, it's the second running of Joe's fun run. The third year? It's third annual.

And I really hate it when writers use whom all of the time. If this keeps up, Pete Townshend's band will be The Whom.

I worked with a guy years ago who hated the use of "over" when "more than" would have worked. Over, he said, worked with the cow jumped over the moon; over doesn't work when more than 10 billion burgers have been eaten.

Another editor didn't like to use names in headlines, especially if the person wasn't famous. He also didn't like to start a story with a name.

Yet another editor hated it when newspapers use the word hike as a verb, as in, "The New York Yankees hiked ticket prices yesterday." They also raised prices, and that'll do nicely.

I hate it when a writer uses less when fewer works better. "GM is building less cars this year" makes me throw up. GM is building fewer cars than last year.

I have problems with attribution in a novel. I can stand exclaimed as a verb to replace said, and whispered is perfect. He whispered, and she exclaimed. Great.

But then a novelist will write, "I haven't felt right in years," Julia sniffed. Julia may have sniffed before or after she said it, but she didn't sniff it. She said it. A better way: "I haven't felt right in years," Julia said. She looked away and sniffed into a handkerchief.

I hate it when a novelist uses no attribution at all -- it's tough to tell who's saying what. And I really hate it when the novelist expects me to remember Sally, Joan, Martha and Lula Belle without a scorecard. I probably can remember Lula Belle for obvious reasons. It might help to occasionally remind us that Sally and Joan are cousins, and Martha is Sally's next-door neighbor.

My greatest pet peeve is a lazy writer who won't re-read his stories a few times to find typos or other mistakes. He misses repetition and changes in tense. And he misses repetition (yes, I'm pulling your leg). This guy thinks he's perfect the first time, and he's always wrong.

Editors have choices to make

2011-08-05T00:58:00.001-04:00

Actually, it wasn't always his job. Most copy editors make story placement decisions at one time or another. I did. In fact, I enjoy the choices part of journalism -- Where do we put this story? Should it go out front or inside? Should this story run at all?

We usually make the right choice, but sometimes good journalists get confused or lazy.

In 1990, I had just finished covering a race at North Carolina Speedway in Rockingham and settled down in a motel room to watch the TV sports news. They announced that Hank Gathers, the great All-American basketball player, had died, and I thought, "I know what will lead our sports section tomorrow." Amazingly, we ran that story in the lead of the sports briefs package. It was a matter of convenience, and, frankly, we blew it.

We did the same thing when a hockey goalie was in a car wreck and was effectively brain dead. It wasn't my decision; this was a great hockey player, and the story was bigger than the treatment we gave it. In both cases, there was second-guessing the next day at the budget meeting.

I think it was 1993 when Alan Kulwicki died. I was working the sports desk that night, and someone wanted to lead briefs with Kulwicki. It was the briefs syndrome rearing its head again, and I argued that the defending Winston Cup champion deserved better. Some papers would have put Kulwicki on the A front, not just the sports front.

In the end, we put Kulwicki on the sports front, but it was a battle.

I don't want people to think I was always right; I wasn't. I made bad choices, too. But I did learn a lesson from all of those battles. I always left a "throwaway" spot on the sports front, at the top or bottom, in case someone died or another big story came in just before deadline. That story never jumped, so the important news story would have to stay on the front. But at least it'd make the paper, and we could follow it up the next day.

I wasn't going to put a great or important story in briefs.

Freelance writers and editors

2011-08-04T00:04:00.004-04:00

What I do when I'm editing

2011-08-02T23:34:00.004-04:00

As an editor, I do the obvious, of course: I look for typos, misspellings and factual errors, but there's much, much more.

While editing and vetting a novel, I quickly realized that the writer had an Army general shooting snipers. It was her business, of course, but a general would never get in that situation. A colonel? Maybe, but not likely. A major? Possibly. The lower the rank, the more plausible this would be.

She laughed. She already knew that a general would never be caught with a rifle shooting snipers. She hoped that no one would catch it. If I caught it, she said, someone else would; so she turned the general into a major. The story immediately became more believable. Not a lot, but some. A gunny sergeant would make sense.

One of her characters was a double agent, and she'd use a real name part of the time and her code name at other times. I found it confusing, and I told her so. Hey, this wasn't James Bond one time and 007 another. This was Jade (or whatever) one time and Jasmine (or whatever) another.

In another book, this one about ancient Egypt, she had a character whose name didn't seem to fit the time and place. She thought that name might have been used at that time and place, but she changed it. I think the story became a little more plausible.

While editing another book, I noticed that the writer wrote Phillipians when he meant Philippines. Slight difference.

I do a lot of grunt work, whether it's in fiction or non-fiction books, letters, web sites, term papers or whatever. I look for parallel construction, changes of tense, tangled sentences. If I find a 50-word sentence, I'll look for ways to convert it to a least two or more sentences.

I check for redundancies or words left out. I look for the quickest and simplest way to say something. And I check as many facts as I can.

I ask questions: Does the writer need this long, detailed explanation? Can we say this in 50 or 100 fewer words? Is this sentence clear? Is the writer just saying the same thing over and over?

Even in the doctoral dissertation, I found ways to combine redundant sentences to make it simpler and easier to read. I even broke up a few long sentences and paragraphs for his professor's benefit.

When I edit, I think, is this comma necessary? Should it be a semicolon or a dash? Would this sentence be better with a comma? Is the writer using too many exclamation and question marks? Don't think that these decisions take forever; they're almost instantaneous (I've been doing this 30-plus years).

The novelist mentioned above had trouble with punctuation. She'd have a quote with a question or exclamation mark AND a comma -- "We never eat out anymore. Why is that?," Martha asked. She didn't need the comma.

I've been pleased with her improvement. I find fewer typos and outright mistakes. Her copy's cleaner and easier to read. She's getting better by the chapter.
Two years ago, I was "Americanizing" British non-fiction books for sale in the Americas. I changed "favour" to "favor," "maximise" to "maximize," and "behaviour" to "behavior." "Loo" became "toilet"; "solicitor" turned into "lawyer", and "lift" became "elevator." With the help of Google, British slang was translated, and when I could, I changed soccer analogies to baseball, basketball and American football. It works better for U.S. audiences.
I did more than that, of course, but you get a flavour, no, flavor of what I did in this case.

I always remind the writer to proofread and edit his/her work a few minutes and a few days later, time permitting. I tell writers to always get a second or third pair of eyes on their work; don't trust Aunt Jane or Uncle Bernie. A professional editor can make your writing sparkle and make you look good.

It's all part of editing. Some writing is so muddled that I need a Rosetta stone. Other times, I don't have much to do. Whether I'm editing a book or working for a newspaper (I've worked at nine), my job is to help the writer and the reader. I work to make the writer's writing shine. My editing will help the reader insert the most information in the easiest manner.

I may cost a little more than some copy editors (and less than many others), but I'm worth it. And your writing's worth it, too.

Contact: I can be reached at tgilli@copydesk.org or tgilli52@gmail.com.

Not quite true

2011-08-01T13:44:00.004-04:00

THIS SENTENCE, found in a sports column, has a major flaw.

Peyton Manning on Sunday found three different ways to say he'll never play outside of Indiana.

Actually, Manning said he wouldn't play for a team outside of Indiana (the Indianapolis Colts). There's a huge difference, since, half the time, he WILL play somewhere other than Indy. Road games.

Two Grahams: Interestingly, the Washington Redskins have two kickers battling for one job. The incumbent is second-year man Graham Gano. His competition is Shayne Graham. Hey, I'm an editor; I love things like this.

Remains of the sentence

2011-07-31T18:34:00.002-04:00

This sentence has "remain" or "remains" twice. And that's two too many.

Peyton Manning remains with the Colts after signing a reported five-year, $90 million contract to remain with the team he was drafted by in 1998.

Let's change it this way:

Peyton Manning signed a reported five-year, $90 million contract and will remain with the Colts, the team that drafted him in 1998.

You're still putting a lot of information in one sentence, but at least it's cleaner.

Any comments?

Cool words

2011-07-30T20:31:00.002-04:00

I was looking up cool words online and found Fantacular.com.

Today's word from Fantacular is antidisestablishmentarianism, a political philosophy opposed to the separation of church and state."

You can also find cool words at The Vocabula Review. From that site, our cool word is grandiloquent — using high-flown, pompous, bombastic words and expression.

I also found cool words at English-test. Today's word from English-test is perspicacious, having keen judgment or understanding; acutely perceptive.

And don't forget Coolest Words. From that site we get syzygy, an alignment of three celestial objects, as the sun, the earth, and either the moon or a planet.