Doing too much

I realize this writer was trying to pack a lot of information on deadline in this NBA Finals story, but this sentence is overdone.

Rasheed Wallace, the only player with experience in Game 7 of the NBA Finals having lost to San Antonio while a member of the Detroit Pistons, started in his place and scored 11 points before fouling out.

This needs to be two sentences. It would work better if you married the first and last parts of this sentence and turn the middle into a separate sentence.

Rasheed Wallace started in his place and scored 11 points before fouling out. Wallace was the only Celtic with experience in Game 7 of the NBA Finals, having lost to San Antonio while with the Detroit Pistons.

It's still long, but it isn't so cumbersome.

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MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

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• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

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