THE LONG GAME

THIS VIDEO PROVIDES A PICTURE OF BOOKS

FIRST SENTENCE IN A NOVEL: This all began innocently, although I have been around long enough to be suspicious of what seems to be an innocuous telephone call like the one I received on a sunny June morning as I sat in the office with coffee after breakfast.

I've enjoyed this guy's novels, but this wasn't the way to start a book. It's TOO DAMN LONG! There are 43 words in that sentence.

He could have rewritten this into two or three sentences.

Rewrite: It was a sunny June morning, and I sat in the office drinking coffee after breakfast. Then the telephone rang, disturbing me.

I realize author Robert Goldsborough wouldn't like my version of his first sentence. I'm just writing the same information in a shorter form. It's 22 words, not 43.

The above sentence is from a Nero Wolfe book called Archie Goes Home.

I loved the book, just not the first sentence.

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EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  TWITTER: EDITORatWORK

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

BLOG ENTRIES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

ANECDOTES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer OUTTA there!

ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing