Showing posts with label wordy sentence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wordy sentence. Show all posts

Thursday, November 2, 2023

NOT ALLOWING A HIT

FOUND ONLINE: The game was scoreless through six innings as Diamondbacks starting pitcher Zac Gallen was dominating, not allowing a hit through those stanzas.

Too wordy. Let's try again.

The game was scoreless through six innings as Diamondbacks starting  pitcher Zac Gallen was holding the Rangers hitless.

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ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

Sunday, February 7, 2021

A HOSS OF A SENTENCE

FOUND ON FACEBOOK: He played the role of Hoss Cartwright for thirteen seasons, from 1959 until his death in 1972 from complications following an operation, on NBC's "Bonanza," one of the longest-running and most popular TV series in history.

I hate picking on this sentence, but it's a mess. Some of it is the wrong place, and it would be better as two sentences. There's a lot of fat to be cut out.

He played Hoss Cartwright on NBC's popular show "Bonanza" from 1959 until his death in 1972 of complications following an operation.

Stay tuned; I may change that sentence more later.

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ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)