Showing posts with label not so tight writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label not so tight writing. Show all posts

Saturday, January 11, 2025

THE LONG GAME


THIS VIDEO PROVIDES A PICTURE OF BOOKS

FIRST SENTENCE IN A NOVEL:
This all began innocently, although I have been around long enough to be suspicious of what seems to be an innocuous telephone call like the one I received on a sunny June morning as I sat in the office with coffee after breakfast.

I've enjoyed this guy's novels, but this wasn't the way to start a book. It's TOO DAMN LONG! There are 43 words in that sentence.

He could have rewritten this into two or three sentences.

Rewrite: It was a sunny June morning, and I sat in the office drinking coffee after breakfast. Then the telephone rang, disturbing me.

I realize author Robert Goldsborough wouldn't like my version of his first sentence. I'm just writing the same information in a shorter form. It's 22 words, not 43.

The above sentence is from a Nero Wolfe book called Archie Goes Home.

I loved the book, just not the first sentence.

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