Wednesday, February 15, 2017

On a play during which

FOUND ONLINE: In Virginia's third game last season, a 13-10 loss at Connecticut, the right-handed Benkert hurt his left shoulder on a play during which he was sacked.

I don't think you need all of that sentence.

In Virginia's third game last season, a 13-10 loss at Connecticut, the right-handed Benkert hurt his left shoulder when he was sacked.


ALSO FOUND ONLINE: The numbers skew even farther if you include all three divisions.

Farther denotes distance (traveling farther in a day), so further works here.


EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com TWITTER: EDITORatWORK.


Entries from The Dog Blog

Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie

Saturday, February 11, 2017

A culture change

FOUND ONLINE: Adam Gase appeared to begin a culture change in a culture that desperately needed changing.

You don't need to say culture twice.

Adam Gase appeared to begin changing a culture that desperately needed changing.

FROM THE SAME STORY: They limped into the playoffs without their best defensive player and their starting quarterback out.

You don't need without and out in the same sentence. Also, I don't think you need their twice.

They limped into the playoffs without their best defensive player and starting quarterback.

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com TWITTER: EDITORatWORK.


Entries from The Dog Blog

Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie