Monday, February 26, 2018

Carroll has been a coach

FOUND ONLINE: Carroll has been a coach who placed a high value on loyalty and he has been reluctant to make changes to his staff in the form of firing assistants.

This story is just too wordy. Let's try again:

Carroll has placed a high value on loyalty and has been reluctant to fire his assistants.

ALSO FOUND ONLINE: Truth be told – Landry might never dawn the aqua and teal anymore.

What was the writer thinking? I hope he meant don, not dawn.

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  TWITTER: EDITORatWORK

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie
• Advice for be and would-be novelists

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie


EDITOR@WORK blog entries

Entries from The Dog Blog

Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Which shot 51 percent from the floor

FOUND ONLINE: Also scoring in double figures for UVA, which shot 51 percent from the floor, were Jerome (13) and Johnson (12).

The writer has divided up the sentence here (Also scoring in double figures for UVA were Jerome and Johnson).

He might have said this: UVA, which shot 51 percent from the floor, also got double-figure scoring from Jerome (13) and Johnson (12).

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  TWITTER: EDITORatWORK

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie
• Advice for be and would-be novelists

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie


EDITOR@WORK blog entries

Entries from The Dog Blog

Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)