Saturday, December 5, 2009

Leaving out words

Needs editing: Here are two edits from one story found online. The writer simply left out words.

 Boston College Frank Spaziani, whose Eagles lost to the Hokies for the title the past two seasons, said playing for the title can help convince the better players that they should come to your school. I assume he means Boston College coach Frank Spaziani.

"The season will have a longer-term effect," Johnson said. "If we can finish it off right, it'll be better. Anytime you win double-digit games it's a good year. Certainly we'd like to finish it off the right way."

 From an article on another web site: Pam Tebow said she had been at speaking engagements as far away as Delaware and heard stories of how Peter helped changed someone’s life. I think it's helped change someone's life.

 Also found today: Wake Forest will now have just over a week off as it finishes final exams. If you leave out now, you're saying the same thing. It's like saying that Wake Forest currently has 2,500 students (I don't know how many the school has). If you leave out currently, the meaning doesn't change, and the sentence is cleaner.

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Wednesday, December 2, 2009

One person's edit...

Needs editing: All of these edits are from the same story. I can't fault the writer and his copy editors; I'd have made other choices in some cases.

 “Jason Elam is a consummate pro and future Hall of Famer,” Falcons general manager Thomas Dimitroff said. “He faced challenges here, this year, unfortunately and handled it incredibly admirable fashion. But we as an organization felt that given the challenges in the kicking game, felt it was time to make a change and go a different direction.” (No, I wouldn't make this change in the quote; this is what he said. I'm only pointing out that he's saying pretty much the same thing twice.)

 “[Bryant] was stroking the ball very efficiently and effectively today,” Dimitroff said. “He had a hand full handful out beyond the 50 mark there.”

Against Carolina, Elam, who appears to look down at the holder on kicks and not at the center, started and stopped his motion before the ball was snapped to Koenen by  Pittman snapped the ball to Koenen. This signaled, perhaps, that the ball might not have been snapped after Koenen gave the signal.

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ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
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