Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Sure up the offensive line

FOUND ONLINE: However, they still need a few more components to sure up the offensive line going forward. 

I think the writer meant shore up, not sure up.

 FROM THE SAME ARTICLE: This is a position that could be filled in either free agency or in the draft next year.

Wordy, wordy, wordy.

 This position could be filled in either free agency or in next year's draft.

><


ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , ,

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

A scowl on his face

FOUND IN A NOVEL: There was a scowl on his face and his hand trembled as he held it forth to take mine.

 Where could the scowl be (other than on his face)? Also, I don't like "held it forth."

 Let's do a rewrite:

 He scowled and his hand trembled as he reached out to take mine.

><


ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , ,
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)