Monday, April 14, 2014

About her feet

From a novel: She was wearing a yellow T-shirt and a blue denim jean jacket, and big black baggy pants, and yellow tennis shoes on her feet, with no socks, and no laces.

Yes, it's too long, but that's not the problem I have with the writing. The offender is "yellow tennis shoes on her feet." Where else would the tennis shoes be? On her head? Her elbow?

If you assume the T-shirt and denim jacket were on her body, you'd assume the tennis shoes were on her feet.

She wore a yellow T-shirt and a blue denim jean jacket, and big black baggy pants. She had yellow tennis shoes, with no socks or laces.

This edited version breaks up the really long sentence, and the second sentence is all about her feet.


Links: On my web siteI have links to some of my stories online.

Editorial group: If you're a writer, editor or general freelancer, you might check out my Freelance Writers and Editors group on Yahoo! We've been really active lately, and I think we've become useful to each other.

Writers' guidelines: If you want to write for magazines (or book publishers), check out the writers' guidelines on my Freelance Writers and Editors group on Yahoo!

Followers: Welcome to all the followers on this blog. May the Force be with you.

Check it out: You might look at Funds for Writers, which specializes in grants for writers.


Contact: Reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.


Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie


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(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
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