Showing posts with label novel editor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label novel editor. Show all posts

Monday, September 14, 2015

My name was

Found in a novel: My name was Jeff Hinkley and I was an investigator for the British Horseracing Authority.

You don't need to say My name was Jeff Hinkley, unless Jeff changed his name, of course. There's a tighter way of saying this:

I'm Jeff Hinkley, an investigator for the British Horseracing Authority.

And if Jeff was no longer an investigator at that point you could say this: I'm Jeff Hinkley, and I was an investigator for the British Horseracing Authority.

 Remember: Write tight.

Contact: You can reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com. Also, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie
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Sunday, February 9, 2014

A startled Spock's weapon

Found in a novel: The shot blew a startled Spock's weapon right out of his grasp.

I understand that the writer wants to pack in a lot of information, and he wants you to know that Spock is startled. This reads, though, like Spock's weapon is startled.

Spock was startled as the shot blew the weapon right out of his grasp.

 Or: The shot blew the weapon right out of Spock's grasp, startling him.

 Oh, by the way, I found another sentence that bothers me:

 Holstering his phaser, Spock took off in pursuit, his legs pounding the ground beneath him with unrelenting ferocity.

 His legs did NOT pound the ground ferociously.

 Holstering his phaser, Spock took off in pursuit, his feet pounding the ground beneath him with unrelenting ferocity.

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EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  BLUESKY: PROFILE


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(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
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