Found in a novel: The shot blew a startled Spock's weapon right out of his grasp.
I understand that the writer wants to pack in a lot of information, and he wants you to know that Spock is startled. This reads, though, like Spock's weapon is startled.
Spock was startled as the shot blew the weapon right out of his grasp.
Or: The shot blew the weapon right out of Spock's grasp, startling him.
Or: The shot blew the weapon right out of Spock's grasp, startling him.
Oh, by the way, I found another sentence that bothers me:
Holstering his phaser, Spock took off in pursuit, his legs pounding the ground beneath him with unrelenting ferocity.
His legs did NOT pound the ground ferociously.
Holstering his phaser, Spock took off in pursuit, his feet pounding the ground beneath him with unrelenting ferocity.
EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.
More EDITOR@WORK blog entries
Blog entries by Tom Gillispie
Blog entries by Tom Gillispie
Entries from The Dog Blog
Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
No comments:
Post a Comment