Showing posts with label writing tight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing tight. Show all posts

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Where was his finger?

I once read a story that said that someone "went to work with a jammed finger on his hand."

Yes, he had a jammed finger on his hand. Where else would it be? On his head? If he'd said "left hand," that would have been fine. More information and welcome. But he didn't.

Similarly, I read a novel recently in which the writer wrote "He looked back and waved his hand." Again, what else would he have waved? His left ear?

The first guy had a jammed finger; the second guy waved. End of story.

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Monday, September 12, 2011

More on tight copy

Again, I'm making a point about writing tight. I want writers to think in another way.

Johnson finished the night with three tackles, two of which resulted in a loss for the Hoosiers.

There's nothing wrong with this sentence, but consider this:

Johnson finished with three tackles, two for loss.

What's the difference? Nine fewer words, the same meaning.

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ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)