Simple edit

Found online: Some of Robin's health problems seemed to echo the maladies suffered earlier by Maurice -- who was his twin.

I'd edit the last part of that sentence; you don't need the dash.

Some of Robin's health problems seemed to echo the maladies suffered earlier by Maurice, his twin.

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A tighter lead sentence

Found online: Andrew Luck  knows he's the starter in Indianapolis and Robert Griffin III knows he's the starter in Washington.

I'd tighten that lead sentence:

Andrew Luck (Colts) and Robert Griffin III (Redskins) know they're NFL starters.

No, the sentence doesn't need to be this tight; I'm making a point. You don't have to be wordy.

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EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  BLUESKY: PROFILE

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

BLOG ENTRIES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

ANECDOTES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer OUTTA there!

ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing