Passed out in a plant...

Found online: Hill is more experienced in Sumlin's system after learning under Manziel and Joeckel last season, but he was arrested in March for underage drinking (after being found passed out in a plant)...

I wonder what kind of plant it was, a manufacturing plant, a rhododendron or a venus fly trap.

Actually, it turns out he was in front of a bar. From another story: Hill was passed out alone in a planter full of rocks and plants in front of the restaurant-bar when officers arrived, police said in the arrest report.

Actually, that sentence could use some help. I'd probably cut out "when officers arrived" and let the "police said" handle that.

Links: On my web site, I have links to some of my stories online.

Check it out: You might look at Funds for Writers, which specializes in grants for writers.

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  TWITTER: EDITORatWORK

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

BLOG ENTRIES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

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• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer OUTTA there!

ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing

Too many 'players' here

Found online: Miami general manager Dennis Hickey described Mitchell as “a young player that was on the rise and we felt like we had great things ahead of him.” Mitchell was not a player on the radar of many people when free agency began this week. But the Dolphins made him a first-day priority.

Saying "a young player that was on the rise" and "a player on the radar" seems too much in one paragraph. I'd put a comma after "rise" and change the start of that second sentence to "Mitchell was not on the radar."

It's a little shorter, and you're not overusing a phrase.

If it weren't part of a quote, I'd also change "young player that" to "young player who." Players are people, too.

* * *

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  TWITTER: EDITORatWORK

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

BLOG ENTRIES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

ANECDOTES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer OUTTA there!

ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing