Tuesday, August 6, 2013

A paragraph in need of editing

Found online: The Miller Fumble and a Tipped Matt Moore pass was the reason the Dolphins lost the game, as both lead to touchdowns for the Cowboys. Miami was able to force a fumble, but after rolling through about four defenders hands, it was recovered by the Cowboys for a ten yard gain.

This paragraph provides a lot of mistakes. First, there's no reason to uppercase Fumble and Tipped. You have two turnovers, so it's were, not was.

In this case, it's led, not lead. You have four defenders' hands, and it's a 10-yard gain. And, finally, I prefer the more positive way of saying that the Cowboys recovered the ball.

The Miller fumble and a tipped Matt Moore pass were the reasons the Dolphins lost the game, as both led to touchdowns for the Cowboys. Miami was able to force a fumble, but after the ball rolled through about four defenders' hands, the Cowboys recovered it for a 10-yard gain.

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