Saturday, October 29, 2011

In the first

I wonder: This sentence about the World Series makes me wonder -- The first four Rangers batters of the game reached base against him in the first, but Carpenter escaped with only two runs scoring, and the Rangers would not score again. 
Since you have "first four Rangers batter of the game" early in the sentence, do you need "in the first"? They'd have to be in the first inning.

Blog: I just found an interesting blog entry about adviser and advisor. I didn't realize that anyone spelled it with an "o".

Too much: The writer has packed too much information in this sentence...

Veteran Cardinals ace, and former Cy Young winner, Chris Carpenter, the workhorse who won his second game of the series in Game 7, called a meeting.

I'd call piling on and give him a 15-yard penalty. He would be better off saving "and former Cy Young winner" for another sentence.

Veteran Cardinals ace Chris Carpenter, who got his second win of the series in Game 7, called a meeting.

More later.


More SpeedEditor blog entries

Blog entries on The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie

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