Thursday, September 12, 2013

This sentence needs to be rewritten

Found online: Set to receive another $2 million bonus payment this past March, the Cardinals ended their two-year relationship with Kolb and acquired Carson Palmer from the Raiders.

It looks like the Cardinals are set to receive a $2-million bonus. Let's try again:

With Kolb set to receive another $2-million bonus payment this March, the Cardinals ended their two-year relationship and acquired Carson Palmer from the Raiders.

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