Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Editing a long sentence

Found online: Denney said the prospect of getting starting strong safety Reshad Jones and pass rusher Dion Jordan back from their four-game suspensions, which is a possibility if the league's rules on amphetamines change, had not crossed his mind.

They're trying to do too much in one sentence. Let's try again:

If the league's rules on amphetamines change, the Dolphins could get strong safety Reshad Jones and pass rusher Dion Jordan back from their four-game suspensions. Denney said that prospect had not crossed his mind.

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