EDITOR@WORK: Peyton Manning

THIS SENTENCE, found in a sports column, has a major flaw.

Peyton Manning on Sunday found three different ways to say he'll never play outside of Indiana.

Actually, Manning said he wouldn't play for a team outside of Indiana (the Indianapolis Colts). There's a huge difference, since, half the time, he WILL play somewhere other than Indy. Road games.

Two Grahams: Interestingly, the Washington Redskins have two kickers battling for one job. The incumbent is second-year man Graham Gano. His competition is Shayne Graham. Hey, I'm an editor; I love things like this.

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com BLUESKY: PROFILE

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

BLOG ENTRIES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

ANECDOTES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer OUTTA there!

ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing

This sentence has "remain" or "remains" twice. And that's one too many.

Peyton Manning remains with the Colts after signing a reported five-year, $90 million contract to remain with the team he was drafted by in 1998.

Let's change it this way:

Peyton Manning signed a reported five-year, $90 million contract and will remain with the Colts, the team that drafted him in 1998.

You're still putting a lot of information in one sentence, but at least it's cleaner.

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com BLUESKY: PROFILE