Sunday, July 31, 2011

Remains of the sentence

This sentence has "remain" or "remains" twice. And that's one too many.

Peyton Manning remains with the Colts after signing a reported five-year, $90 million contract to remain with the team he was drafted by in 1998.


Let's change it this way:


Peyton Manning signed a reported five-year, $90 million contract and will remain with the Colts, the team that drafted him in 1998.


You're still putting a lot of information in one sentence, but at least it's cleaner.


Any comments?




Contact: I can be reached at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com. Also, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.

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