Sunday, July 31, 2011

Remains of the sentence

This sentence has "remain" or "remains" twice. And that's one too many.

Peyton Manning remains with the Colts after signing a reported five-year, $90 million contract to remain with the team he was drafted by in 1998.

Let's change it this way:

Peyton Manning signed a reported five-year, $90 million contract and will remain with the Colts, the team that drafted him in 1998.

You're still putting a lot of information in one sentence, but at least it's cleaner.

Any comments?

Contact: I can be reached at or Also, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie

No comments:

Post a Comment