I forget; what was that sentence about?

I know that Associated Press stories often have really long leads, but this is way too long.

Australia’s Katherine Hull rallied for her second career LPGA Tour victory, pulling ahead with a birdie on the par-5 17th and finishing with a par for a 5-under 67 and a one-stroke victory against Brittany Lincicome yesterday in Prattville, Ala.

Let's try it again:

Australia’s Katherine Hull rallied for her second career LPGA Tour victory yesterday in Prattville, Ala. She pulled ahead with a birdie on the par-5 17th and parred 18 for a 5-under 67 and a one-stroke victory against Brittany Lincicome.

Here's another sentence from yesterday that needs editing:

Charles Schwab Cup points leader Bernhard Langer rallied to shoot a 67, good for a ninth-place finish.

That's a stacked modifier. I'd change that to Bernhard Langer, the Charles Schwab Cup points leader, rallied to shoot a 67, good for a ninth-place finish.

><

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  BLUESKY: PROFILE

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

BLOG ENTRIES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

ANECDOTES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer OUTTA there!

ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing