No expression on her face

FOUND IN A NOVEL: Candy had no expression on her face.

Where else would her expression be? On her elbow or knee? And this could be a little shorter.

Candy's face was expressionless. Or: Candy's face showed nothing.

FROM THE SAME NOVEL: There was blood on his chest and his eyes were wide and silent.

His eyes wouldn't be loud, even if he were alive. I think still, blank or not moving might have been better. I'd also put a comma after chest.

Let's do a little rewrite:

His chest was bloody, and his eyes were wide and unseeing.

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EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  BLUESKY: PROFILE

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

BLOG ENTRIES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

ANECDOTES BY TOM GILLISPIE

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer OUTTA there!

ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

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• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

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• Wayne Auton: A life in racing