Parallel construction

PARALLEL PROBLEMS: Most of us have trouble with parallel construction at one time or another. We'll write a sentence that starts with pretty cars, statuesque women, and it goes into old houses in Greece.

In fact, there's a problem with my last sentence. It would be better if the sentence starts out about pretty cars and statuesque women, and it switches to old houses in Greece.

You can talk about the French, the Italians, Spanish and Portugal, but it's grammatically correct to discuss the French, the Italians, the Spanish and the Portuguese.

You don't say in spring, summer, or in winter. Parallel construction requires in spring, summer or winter, or it's in spring, in summer or in winter.

Was it a long ceremony and tedious, too? Maybe, but it's better to say that it was a long and tedious ceremony.

Joe thought the movie was boring, silly, and it was too long, too. True, but Joe thought the movie was boring, silly and too long works better.

I went outside because the sun was out, and it was warm, too. Yes, but I went outside because the sun was out, and it was warm.

Remember: Parallel construction usually requires fewer words, and you get to your point quickly. And that's always a good thing.

PROBLEM HEADLINE: I saw this interesting headline yesterday: NASCAR FANS CAN RECOGNIZE THEIR FATHERS WITH THE NASCAR HALL OF FAME COMMEMORATIVE BRICK PROGRAM.

The NASCAR Hall of Fame is simply giving race fans the opportunity to applaud or remember their fathers with a brick at the HofF. That's great. The problem with the headline, as I saw it when I opened the email, is that NASCAR FANS CAN RECOGNIZE THEIR FATHERS. Most of them recognize their fathers, whether they're in the program or not.

The headline isn't specific, and most newspaper editors would change it. It's also ALL-CAPS, and it's way too long. Actually, the drop head — Fans Can Celebrate Their Passion for the Sport and Give the Gift of Memories to Their Dads — is much better.

CONTACT: Email me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com. Also, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.

More EDITOR@WORK blog entries

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

Entries from The Dog Blog

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 13-plus years with my dog Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer outta there!