This sentence -- Kazmir kept the Yankees quiet for a while, but they broke through in the fourth, an inning that started with a single by Rodriguez. -- is fine. But you could change the beginning to Kazmir kept the Yankees quiet until the fourth inning,... And you could change the ending clause to ..., starting with a single by Rodriguez. That's a quicker, cleaner way of saying the same thing.
Another alternative: I'm a meat-and-potatoes kind of copy editor; you might check out John McIntyre's blog. I disagree with the former Baltimore Sun editor about half the time, but he's a fun read. I think he tries to come off as a know-it-all.
Comment: I got this comment in my email nearly two months ago, but I decided that it's worth posting. Thanks, Roni.
Hey, I don't generally do this sort of thing, but I saw your message on LinkedIn, and I am getting ready to TRY to start my own blog, so I looked at yours. It is really good. You are the only person I have ever heard of who does freelance work on a newspaper copy desk.
I am an "old" copy editor, vet of major metro papers, now working in bookkeeping and office manager-type stuff. Some freelance, but it is thin.
No, this is not a plug for work. I just wanted to tell you that the link you have on your blog for "Overused Business Words" is the funniest thing I have seen in a LONG time. I worked for the Navy for 11 1/2 years, till last fall, in a corporate environment. I still have PTSD!! And reading that site had me laughing so hard I nearly ... well, fill in the blank there.
Thanks for a good laugh. And thanks for a cool blog, from one person who cares about the language to another.
Contact: Reach me at email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org.
More EDITOR@WORK blog entries
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(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
More blog entries by Tom Gillispie
Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie