Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A lesson in editing

I hate to pick on one story, but this is a treasure trove of editing needs. For instance:

Barber, a native of Roanoke, Va., and 1997 graduate of the UVa, is the second all-time leading rusher in Cavalier history. He was named ACC Player of the Year and first-team CoSIDA Academic All-American in 1996. In the 1997 NFL Draft, Barber was selected in the second round by the New York Giants where he played running back for the duration of his NFL career (1997-2006).

You don't need to say the UVa. You'd say the University of Virginia, but UVa can stand alone. Also, you can say where he played his entire NFL career (1997-2006). We know he was a running back. Also, I'd put a comma after New York Giants. Oh, one more thing: I'm not sure you'd say New York Giants, where... Where doesn't seem to fit.

Check out this sentence:

Barber led the Giants in rushing from the start of the 2002 season to the end of the 2006 season, making him the 22nd player in NFL history to rush for over 10,000 yards in his career.

Let's try again:

Barber led the Giants in rushing from 2002 to 2006, making him the 22nd NFL rusher to exceed 10,000 career yards.

Another example:

Other records Barber set while rushing the ball include most rushing yards for a game (234), a season (1,860) and a career (10,499).

I'd change that to this:

Barber also set team records for most rushing yards for a game (234), a season (1,860) and a career (10,499).

There's more, but I think that's enough for now. Any comments?

Contact: I can be reached at or Also, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.

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