Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Editing required

Needs editing: One of the Cavaliers' best perimeter blockers, he also caught 19 passes for 220 yards.

That dependent clause needs help. I'd change the sentence to this: Snyder, one of the Cavaliers' best perimeter blockers, also caught 19 passes for 220 yards.

Fact finders:  Korbin completed a sixty-five lap test drive at the world famous Hickory Motor Speedway in Hickory NC. Hickory Speedway is the birthplace of NASCAR stars such as Richard Petty, Dale Earnhardt and Dale Jarrett to name a few, and America's most famous short track.

This needs help in editing and fact-checking.

First, instead of a sixty-five lap test drive, it would be a 65-lap test drive. Second, Hickory Motor Speedway isn't in Hickory, N.C. It's in Newton, N.C. Finally, Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt got their starts elsewhere (although they DID race there, and Dale Jarrett DID get his start at Hickory).

Wrong word: The sentence in question ends with "... a much harsher one that would drive the sides even farther apart."

You're right; it should be "further," not "farther." Farther involves actual distance, like feet, yards or miles.

No comments:

Post a Comment