Sunday, August 12, 2012

This promo doesn't work

Found online: Already short a starting wide receiver, Matt Aiken injures his knee in the Blue-Gold scrimmage in Annapolis, but a pair of fullbacks impress. 

This is a promo for a story about college football season. Here, it sounds like Matt Aiken is short a starting wide receiver, whatever that means. Actually, the Naval Academy was already short a wide receiver when Aiken got hurt.

Let's try again.

With Navy already short a starting wide receiver, Matt Aiken injures his knee in the Cadets' Blue-Gold scrimmage, but two fullbacks impress.

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