Whom even insisted on

FOUND ONLINE: There were glimmers of greatness over his two seasons, but they were cloaked by mistakes on and off the field, not to mention the frustration of a Browns coaching staff and front office that largely were gutted by owner Jimmy Haslam, who many people believe green-lit (and perhaps even insisted on) the Manziel pick.

I hate this paragraph/sentence on many levels. For one thing, it IS one sentence. It needs broken up.

Another thing, they say "whom many people believe green-lit the Manziel pick." Here, it would be who, not whom. Also, I hate the insertion of (and perhaps even insisted on). We can shorten that part of the paragraph.

Let's try again.

There were glimmers of greatness over his two seasons, but they were cloaked by mistakes on and off the field. Then there was the frustration of a Browns coaching staff and front office that largely were gutted by owner Jimmy Haslam, who many people believe green-lit or insisted on the Manziel pick.

It's not great, but it's better.

ALSO FOUND ONLINE: The Cavaliers meet the Yellow Jackets, who ousted Clemson on Wednesday night, at 7 o'clock.

I'd make a small change, moving "at 7 o'clock" to the front of the sentence. It puts the teams and the time side by side.

At 7 o'clock, the Cavaliers will meet the Yellow Jackets, who ousted Clemson on Wednesday night.

EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  TWITTER: EDITORatWORK

More EDITOR@WORK blog entries

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers  
•  Editor with no experience

Blog entries by Tom Gillispie

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie

• Good Samaritan

• The PRESS cap and my friend Mike

• Watching TV

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• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

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• Yer outta there!

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• The Dog Diary (2015)

• The Dog Diary (2014)

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Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal

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(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

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(the book of great NASCAR stories)

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