Too wordy

I was just reading a college football report and came across this.

Sickle cell trait happens to be the leading killer of Division I football players since 2000.

You can say the same thing with this:

Sickle cell trait is the leading killer of Division I football players since 2000.

Here's another bit of wordiness:

What Notre Dame will have to deal with is the losses of quarterback Jimmy Clausen and wide receiver Golden Tate, as well as offensive linemen Eric Olsen and Sam Young.

You can change that to this:

Notre Dame must deal with the losses of quarterback Jimmy Clausen, wide receiver Golden Tate, and offensive linemen Eric Olsen and Sam Young.

 Contact: Reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.

More EDITOR@WORK blog entries

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• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

Entries from The Dog Blog

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• 10 years with Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

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Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer outta there!