Saturday, February 27, 2010

Too wordy

I was just reading a college football report and came across this.
Sickle cell trait happens to be the leading killer of Division I football players since 2000.
You can say the same thing with this:
Sickle cell trait is the leading killer of Division I football players since 2000.
Here's another bit of wordiness:
What Notre Dame will have to deal with is the losses of quarterback Jimmy Clausen and wide receiver Golden Tate, as well as offensive linemen Eric Olsen and Sam Young.
You can change that to this:
Notre Dame must deal with the losses of quarterback Jimmy Clausen, wide receiver Golden Tate, and offensive linemen Eric Olsen and Sam Young.
 Contact: Reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.

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