Sunday, June 19, 2011

This sentence needs rearranging

I'd move the name in the sentence below.

6'4", 290-pound defensive tackle/offensive lineman Tyrell Chavis committed to Mike London and company today...

I'd change it to this:

Tyrell Chavis, a 6'4", 290-pound defensive tackle/offensive lineman, committed to Mike London and company today...

I'd do it for two reasons. You don't start a sentence with a number, and you don't stack modifiers like that. The rewrite is much easier to read.

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