Friday, September 2, 2011

Could use editing

I see sentences like this one all the time. The writer makes his statement in a round-about way.

Based on the Packers' final two preseason games, So'oto is going to be a player who can help their pass rush right away.

The writer could take a more direct approach. For instance:

Based on the Packers' final two preseason games, So'oto should help their pass rush right away.

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