Quick edit

I know people wonder why I often use sports sentences to display examples of editing. That's simple: I find more sports sentences that need editing. Most (but not all) of the news and feature material I read is well edited.

Let's look at this one:

Walden’s shoulder hit what appeared to be Cutler’s shoulder while outside linebacker Clay Matthews was tackling the quarterback.

Is this the same?

Walden’s shoulder appeared to hit Cutler’s shoulder while outside linebacker Clay Matthews was tackling the quarterback.

It's a minor edit, but I think it's better this way.