A more emphatic way to say it

POSSIBLE EDIT: “He wants the same things I do,” Holmgren said. “We want the team to be better, we want to win, we want the fans to feel good, we’re going after the same thing.”

Most editors would leave this as it is. But there's a more emphatic way to say it.

“He wants the same things I do,” Holmgren said. “We want the team to be better; we want to win; we want the fans to feel good.

"We’re going after the same thing.”

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EMAIL: tgilli52@gmail.com  TWITTER: EDITORatWORK

MORE EDITOR@WORK BLOG ENTRIES

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• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

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• Slogging through the Internet

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• Resume for a writer and editor

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• Advice for be and would-be novelists

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• What I do when I'm editing

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BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL

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Today's first edit...

NEEDS EDITING? "They've learned to play under pressure, and I think that’s important. It'll come in handy when we get to the playoffs,'' said Phillips, who was without special teams coach Joe DeCamillis after the latter had an emergency appendicitis yesterday.


Maybe it's just me, but I think he needed an emergency appendectomy, not an emergency appendicitis.

Here's another edit in the same story:

They posting posted three sacks, and an interception and not letting didn't let Washington cross the 23-yard line all night. , throttling They throttled the Redskins as blue-clad Cowboy fans celebrated in FedEx.

Contact: Reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.

More EDITOR@WORK blog entries

• You really DO need an editor

• Reminders for would-be novelists

• What I do when I'm editing

• What I charge (it's a deal) and what I edit

• Slogging through the Internet

• J-school: More eyes on your stories

• J-school: Go out and learn

• Rookie mistakes for magazine writers

Entries from The Dog Blog

• Katie cried

• Growl and pull

• 10 years with Lady

• ... said the spider to ...

• The Dog Diary (2014)

• YIP! YIP! The stereo-sound huskies

• What Lady and Michael Jackson had in common

Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal

• Angel in Black: Remembering Dale Earnhardt Sr.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)

• Then Junior Said to Jeff...

(the book of great NASCAR stories)

• My best day as a sports writer

• Jeff Gordon's milk toast to Dale Earnhardt

• Wayne Auton: A life in racing

More blog entries by Tom Gillispie

• Resume for a writer and editor

• An editor's views on powerful writing

• Advice for be and would-be novelists

• Links to TG's stories online

• Favorite quotes

• What I do when I'm editing

Anecdotes by Tom Gillispie

• Wipeout at Death Valley

• Days with rainbows

• A desperate writer working in the dark

• Yer outta there!