Needs editing: As always, I'm a stickler for putting time and date in the right place. Found online -- Mr. Pinder’s organization estimates that about 1,500 people have been killed while working for news organizations in the last decade.
That would read better if you said "1,500 people have been killed in the last decade while working for news organizations."
More later.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Convoluted sentence
Needs editing, maybe: I thought this needed editing when I first saw it; now, I'm not too sure. “I’ll never buy again,” said the veteran Nets guard Keyon Dooling, who rents the downtown Orlando condominium he bought in 2005 to a Magic player.
What bothered me was "the downtown Orlando condominium he bought in 2005 to a Magic player." I had to re-read it once or twice to understand it.
If I rewrote that section, it might become, "who bought a downtown Orlando condominium in 2005 and now rents it to a Magic player." Just so you'll know, the Orlando Magic and New Jersey Nets are NBA teams.
One unit: The Lions put up impressive numbers last weekend, though they might not be able to penetrate the Packers defense, who haven’t allowed a rusher to reach the 100-yard mark since Week 3.
The part of this sentence that bothers me is "the Packers defense, who haven't..." I'd change that to "the Packers' defense, which hasn't..." I think you need the apostrophe. And although the Packers' defense is a group of individuals, it's a unit. It needs "which" rather than "who."
Not my name: I found this on Sports Illustrated's web site -- En route to their second consecutive 100-loss season, Washington endured the additional indignity of taking the field in April with their team name misspelled "Natinals" on the front of their jerseys. Uniform make Majestic Athletic apologized for the error.
Washington and "their" team name don't go together. Instead of their, you would use "its" team name.
And the uniform maker could have used a good editor.
Contact: Reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.
What bothered me was "the downtown Orlando condominium he bought in 2005 to a Magic player." I had to re-read it once or twice to understand it.
If I rewrote that section, it might become, "who bought a downtown Orlando condominium in 2005 and now rents it to a Magic player." Just so you'll know, the Orlando Magic and New Jersey Nets are NBA teams.
One unit: The Lions put up impressive numbers last weekend, though they might not be able to penetrate the Packers defense, who haven’t allowed a rusher to reach the 100-yard mark since Week 3.
The part of this sentence that bothers me is "the Packers defense, who haven't..." I'd change that to "the Packers' defense, which hasn't..." I think you need the apostrophe. And although the Packers' defense is a group of individuals, it's a unit. It needs "which" rather than "who."
Not my name: I found this on Sports Illustrated's web site -- En route to their second consecutive 100-loss season, Washington endured the additional indignity of taking the field in April with their team name misspelled "Natinals" on the front of their jerseys. Uniform make Majestic Athletic apologized for the error.
Washington and "their" team name don't go together. Instead of their, you would use "its" team name.
And the uniform maker could have used a good editor.
Contact: Reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.
More EDITOR@WORK blog entries
Entries from The Dog Blog
Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thinking infinitely
Looking infinitely: I was just reading a Cosmos magazine story about the possibility of there being something large (another universe?) outside the known universe. I didn't realize we knew how big the universe was. Anyway, this Albert Einstein quote seemed appropriate for the occasion.
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."Here's another quote about an infinite universe, this one by Woody Allen:
"Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things."You can find more thoughts on the universe at mapping.com.
Happy holidays: Happy Thanksgiving, everybody! (I almost wrote Happy Halloween)
More EDITOR@WORK blog entries
Entries from The Dog Blog
Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
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