"Unlike a brain surgeon, the beautiful part of writing is that you don't have to get it right the first time."
— Robert Cormier
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Lions couldn't come close
ANOTHER WAY: This sentence is OK, but it could be better.
Detroit didn't give up, but it also couldn't come close enough to attempt a field goal that could've sent the game into overtime.
I'd change it to this:
Detroit didn't give up, but the Lions also couldn't come close enough to attempt a field goal that could've sent the game into overtime.
TRY AGAIN:Here's another sentence, but this one has a suspect word.
She says that the research suffers from “stereotype threat” — a viscious cycle that influences both subject and doctor — and that many of the differences are based solely on sexist societal differences.
Instead of viscious cycle, you have to wonder if they mean vicious (or viscous) cycle.