Monday, September 20, 2010

The Lions couldn't come close

ANOTHER WAY: This sentence is OK, but it could be better.

Detroit didn't give up, but it also couldn't come close enough to attempt a field goal that could've sent the game into overtime.

I'd change it to this:

Detroit didn't give up, but the Lions also couldn't come close enough to attempt a field goal that could've sent the game into overtime.

TRY AGAIN: Here's another sentence, but this one has a suspect word.

She says that the research suffers from “stereotype threat” — a viscious cycle that influences both subject and doctor — and that many of the differences are based solely on sexist societal differences.

Instead of viscious cycle, you have to wonder if they mean vicious (or viscous) cycle.


Contact: Reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com.

(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
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