Wednesday, July 27, 2011

These sentences need editing

This sentence is unnecessarily long.

Orton, who will turn 28 in November, has started 51 NFL games heading into 2011.

You don't need "heading into 2011." This works:

Orton, who will turn 28 in November, has started 51 NFL games.

This sentence is awkward.

That Georgia Tech and North Carolina have run afoul of the NCAA does not please John Swofford, the ACC's commissioner.

This is better:

John Swofford, the ACC's commissioner, was displeased that Georgia Tech and North Carolina have run afoul of the NCAA.

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ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)

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