Tuesday, April 17, 2012

MUCH too long

Found online: It's not unusual for sports writers to put a lot of information in one key sentence, but the paragraph below goes beyond the limit.

Credit a late-inning power surge that forced extra innings, and then a six-run 10th-inning outburst that included catcher Matt Wieters’s first career grand slam — one of four Baltimore long balls, all after the seventh — to give the Orioles a 10-4 comeback win over the Chicago White Sox at U.S. Cellular Field.

I'd break it into two sentences and do it this way:

Baltimore slugged four homers, all after the seventh, and the Orioles rallied past the Chicago White Sox 10-4 at U.S. Cellular Field. Credit a late-inning power surge that forced extra innings, and then a six-run 10th-inning outburst that included catcher Matt Wieters’s first career grand slam.

It's not a perfect solution, but it beats a huge sentence. And I notice that it's a bit shorter this way.


Contact: I can be reached at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com. Also, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.

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