First, the sentence is WAY too long. It's meandering. Schwartz isn't the progeny of Jeff Fisher and Bill Belichick; he worked for and with them. They were his mentors. It's interesting to see ultracompetent and self-flagellation on a story about pro football. The writer packed a lot of information into one sentence. I think she reached too far. But that's why we have editors. Or need them.
Spell check, by the way, prefers ultra-competent.
Da Vinci editing: If you like to find fault with Dan Brown's The Da Vinci Code, you might look up this story from the Telegraph. It gives the 20 worst sentences from Dan Brown, plus explanations of why they're bad.
Needs editing: The Atlanta Journal's web site has a headline that says "Jackets lose first game of season." The problem is that Georgia Tech didn't lose the first game of the season. It suffered its first loss of the season.
Contact: I can be reached at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.com. Also, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.
More EDITOR@WORK blog entries
Entries from The Dog Blog
Blog entries from The Auto Racing Journal
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
No comments:
Post a Comment