Tuesday, July 26, 2016

60 years of dreaming

FOUND ONLINE: After 60 years of dreaming of a close-up solar mission, it's quickly approaching time for NASA to realize that goal.

There's a tighter way to say this.

 After 60 years of dreaming, NASA will soon have a close-up mission to the sun.

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ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
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Monday, July 25, 2016

Versatile man who needs to be named

FOUND ONLINE: A member of four championship teams, Vince Lombardi called him "the most versatile man who ever played the game."

This story is about Paul Hornung, not Vince Lombardi, so we need a rewrite.

Hornung, a member of four championship teams, was "the most versatile man who ever played the game," according to coach Vince Lombardi.

 Or you could say it this way:

 Vince Lombardi called Hornung, a member of four championship teams, "the most versatile man who ever played the game."

 The other option would be to move "a member of four championship teams" somewhere else and use the sentence just above this.

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ENTRIES FROM THE DOG BLOG

BLOG ENTRIES FROM THE AUTO RACING JOURNAL
(a book of great stories about the Intimidator)
(the book of great NASCAR stories)
Posted by at No comments:
Labels: , , , , ,
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