Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Moving the name

Found online: A right-handed pitcher from Northern Virginia, Doyle played a supporting role in 2015.

I'd move his name to the front:

Doyle, a right-handed pitcher from Northern Virginia, played a supporting role in 2015.

It's a minor change, but it works for me.

From the same article: Doyle, who stands 6-6, has added about 15 pounds since the end of last season. He now weighs 230. 

I'd change the beginning of that first sentence:

The 6-6 Doyle has added about 15 pounds since the end of last season. He now weighs 230. 

It probably sounds like I'm nitpicking, but it doesn't slow the flow of the article.

From another article: Team GM and executive vice president John Elway has brought respect to the organization.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/sports/spt-columns-blogs/armando-salguero/article57813753.html#storylink=cpy

Again, I'd move the name to the front of the sentence, this time to get rid of that stack in front of it.

John Elway, Denver's GM and executive vice president, has brought respect to the organization.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/sports/spt-columns-blogs/armando-salguero/article57813753.html#storylink=cpy

Links: On my web siteI have links to some of my stories online.

Contact: You can reach me at tgilli52@gmail.com or nc3022@yahoo.comAlso, my Twitter handle is EDITORatWORK.

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